It’s
been three weeks since leaving Africa and it wasn’t until last night that I
finally allowed myself to reflect about my time there. I haven’t written any
blogs lately because in truth I had no idea what to say. I had no idea what my
heart was feeling. It was hard for me to share my heart in my prayers better
yet in my blogs.
Thankfully,
God broke me last night and for the first time in while I was able to fully cry
out to the Lord. I was able to
share my struggles and share what broke my heart. Anger has been bubbling up inside
of me for a while and it was last night as I sat on the balcony of our home as
worship music played that I told God the things that has been breaking my heart
and pissing me off. Tears rolled down that have been waiting to be released for
months. In the end I was able to dance before the Lord because I knew that God
was crying there with me.
Just
a few of the things that break my heart:
–
the hard hearts in the world
–
the people who know the truth, but are choosing to live for
themselves
–
the religion
–
the false teaching
–
the false doctrines
–
Satan and his lies
–
addictions
–
prostitution
–
the lack of joy
–
the hopelessness
–
the care of the sick
–
the treatment of the poor
–
the corrupt governments
–
the hypocrite Christians
–
the oppression
–
the people held in bondage
I
know this anger is a righteous anger from the heart of God.
I
know that something needs to be done.
I
know that I can’t just sit back and watch.
Nine
months ago I quit my job and left for an 11-month mission trip. I was awaken, the
battles of good and evil became apparent. I left thinking I was going to change
the world and instead the world changed me.
I
have only two months left before I head home. The biggest fear that resides in
me is that the change that has happened will turn void and I will be the same
as when I left.
Saying that
this won’t happen is the easy part, not allowing it is the hard part!!!!!!!!
