I was praying about being intentional in my interactions with others; intentional to serve them, and to prefer them before myself. Philippians 2:3 instructs us to consider others as higher than ourselves. As a preface to the next sentence, incase you don't know what feedback looks like for us, we have it every night, and we give both positive and constructive, calling out the greatness in each other, it can be hard but is so good During feedback one of my teammates, on a word from God, encouraged me to lose my independance, and the selfishness and selfcentredness that brings. And through that be unified with my team and God. We've talked as a team a lot about the problem of pride, and in a lot of ways pride becomes a problem for me and leads me into independance, I need humility!
Then the Lord then used one of the ladys on my squad to show me that I need to be more vulnerable. I was saying that I find it difficult to be vulnerable with my team even though I trust them. She asked me if perhaps that was because I'm just not used to being vulnerable? And in that is the truth, I'm not, and so when it comes to letting people see my thought processes, knowing when I'm hurt, or even just how to prefer me, I don't let people in. Somewhere I wrongly got the idea that being strong means you don't show your weaknesses, and the best way to not be weak is to not let people in. And so after living this way for so long, it's hard to know how to change or where to start.
There's a line in TFKs song We Are that says “we are the chains that hold us.” I am what is holding me back. Whether that's because I'm listening to lies from the enemy, my own foolish pride, or self-centredness. I have the power, through Jesus, not to be shaped by those lies, not to be ruled by my insecurities, but to walk into the identity that God has for me. I'm praying that the Lord will show me the things in my life that aren't of Him, and to empty me of anything that is not of Him, so that I may be filled with Him, and live out of the overflow.
For to long I've wanted Christ to transform my life, but not fully [yikes!]. I would not have said it this way, but there were things that I didn't want to let go of, and I know that dying to yourself is painful. But I don't care anymore, He's to important, He loves me to much, I want it and I want to be His, so it's more than worth it. And He is with me in it, and will not bring me to something He will not bring me through. The good work He began in me [and you!] He will bring to completion. The power of even speaking this truth, given in the word, has brought so much life alone, and makes me even more ready and willing to die to myself and to live for Christ, Philippians 1:21 “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” It's like the parables of the Kingdom in Matthew 13, it's worth more than all we have, it's worth giving everything up for.
All this comes back to my reason for my being, the centre of my life, my Lord and Saviour, Jesus. This is where my identity comes from, and I want to find it there, not in my independance or what other think or say of me. He is truely my all in all! Not to my credit, but through God I'm a Saint (:
