(Praise The Lord, O My Soul)
I never thought I would be sharing my testimony on something as public as the internet, where anyone who has the ability to “google” can click through a few things and somehow wind up here; but I realized in order for you all to understand me and what I’m experiencing here, you needed to understand my journey on how I arrived at this point, so here it is, in the midst of my first few days in Serbia, my testimony and how my rocky past, helped a few men who felt hopeless and stuck in the same rut I was in not too long ago, not feel so hopeless:
On Sunday, we got to attend our first church service in Serbia. Our ministry host was incredibly sweet and set it up so we had a translator for both services. We didn’t have a translator for worship, though, and let me tell you how incredibly easy it is, to not understand a word of what they are singing but, to still feel Holy Spirit moving rapidly through a room of believers. No matter what language you speak, where you are in the world, and what songs you sing to praise Him, He is still the same God everywhere you go and He loves us all the same.
This is probably one of the smallest churches I have ever been to, in attendance size, but I felt so immensely welcomed by every person in the church family. Almost everyone who attended stayed after the services to say hello to us. Those that didn’t speak a lick of English tried their hardest to say “hello,” gave a huge smile and hugged every one of us. Some invited us over to their houses for dinner, which we are gladly taking them up on, and some of the teenagers invited us out for a day of shopping at the mall and local markets, which we have already done!
Although we’ve been here for a week, today is the first day I’ve felt we’ve done ‘real’ ministry work. We had the opportunity this morning to go speak to the men at the rehabilitation center. This may not seem like a big deal to those of you who know we’re living on the same grounds as the rehabilitation center, but the first day we were here the ministry host told us that we should not overly communicate with the men in the rehabilitation center. He told us that as the men overcome their addictions, they often start to fantasize about life after they graduate the program. That usually includes finding a wife and settling down. Since we are an all-women’s team, we were told to never go into the center alone and not to speak with them more than necessary, not only to protect us, but to protect the hearts of these men. So last night when the pastor invited us into the men’s morning meeting to share our testimonies and how Holy Spirit has helped us in our walk, I was STOKED!
For those of you who don’t know my full testimony, I’ll give you the short version here:
I was raised in a Christian household but never knew about the relationship I was able to have with Jesus, to me he was always just some higher power and not someone I was able to consider a friend. I got involved with the wrong group of people because I wanted to fit in and be considered cool, even though I always knew in the back of my mind that what I was doing was wrong, In doing that, I put myself in some not so smart scenarios. After a while of living this lifestyle, I wound up getting raped and then spiraled out of control. I was mad at God. I was mad at myself. And I was mad at everyone around me. I turned to alcohol and boys to cope with these feelings instead of asking for help from anyone. I figured I could handle it myself. Boy, was I wrong. Next thing I know, I’m in an abusive relationship. It was New Year’s Eve and instead of celebrating, like everyone else, I’ve locked myself in his room to keep him and his drunken rage away from me. For the first time in years I really prayed to God, not some half tried prayer when I showed up at church, but I really prayed, I asked him to help me get away from this situation. I knew there was something better he had planned, and I was tired of running. It didn’t happen overnight, and it wasn’t in some grand gesture, in fact when it happened I didn’t even realize it was an answered prayer, but God got me out of that relationship. He got me away from people who were hurting me, and he showed me how much better life can be with him than without him.
I haven’t been perfect since accepting Jesus, there are a lot of times that I’ve fallen right back into my old ways, and I know there are things I need to continue working on, but I know no matter what happens now I’ve got a heavenly father behind me who will always love me no matter what I do and how many times I trip up.
Through my own journey to find Jesus I had some very low points, so now my heart constantly aches for those who feel they don’t have a chance. For those who feel they are “too dirty” or it’s “too late,” please listen to me when I say, THIS IS NOT THE CASE. Your Holy Father wants you to love Him as much as He loves you.
As I started to tell my testimony I looked around the room and could tell about half of the men had checked-out and were more there out of obligation than interest, but as they realized my story was something they could relate to they slowly started to sit up straighter in their chairs and pay attention to what I was saying. Being given the opportunity to speak to the men this morning, I was able to tell them about what I’ve gone through and to show them where I am now, and how trusting God has lead me away from depression, addiction and a deep seeded anger. Getting to see the hope in their eyes before I left this morning made everything I’ve gone through 100,000% worth it. You see, Satan does these horrible things to us in hopes of pulling people away from God, but God can and will turn every bad thing into something good if you allow him to. In no way, shape, or form, do I wish for what I’ve gone through to happen to anybody, EVER. It was horrible and messy and it hurt, a lot, but knowing that I can show people hope when they feel there is none left makes it all ok.
I hate the saying “God will never give you more than you can handle” because I disagree, whole-heartedly, with that statement. If God never gave us more than we could handle, then why would we need him?! God gives us enough to the point where we must look to him for help and for guidance.
We’ve only been here a week and I can already see God moving through this city in great and mighty ways, I can not wait to look back in a month and see how much has happened here, let alone at the end of 11 months.
I still need close to $4,500 to be fully funded for this trip, if you feel led to, please consider donating to help me continue on this journey. Surprisingly $5 a day for food goes a long way here in Serbia so for those of you who have helped so far please know I am so so so grateful for you!
