I was talking to my friend the other day about where I feel like the Lord is calling me after the race and he made a comment about not being too excited about me extending my travel plans and I told him it wasn’t my choice, it was God’s and what he wanted me to do and he laughed at me calling it God’s plan… and it made me realize how much you at home don’t know about what I’m going through here on the field.
First, let me start with this, I didn’t choose this trip; I didn’t choose to leave my friends and family and comforts at home for a year to travel the world and be stretched in a thousand ways I never even imagined were possible; God told me to go and so I did. I didn’t want to be another Jonah and so I followed the calling I felt the Lord place on my life, because being a Jonah is not a fun way to live.
For those of you who don’t know the story of Jonah let me summarize it really quick; Jonah was a prophet in the northern kingdom of Israel during the reign of Jeroboam II. The Lord told Jonah to go to Nineveh (a big city in the Assyrian empire) but instead of listening to the Lord he set out on a ship in the opposite direction. The Lord stopped Jonah on his journey with a storm and a big fish (let’s just call it a whale for now), after the whale had swallowed Jonah, he cried out to the Lord for help. Shortly after Jonah was freed from the whale, the Lord spoke to Jonah again telling him to, “Get up and go to the great city of Nineveh and deliver the message I have given you” (Jon. 3:2 NLT) This time Jonah listen to the Lord, Nineveh then repented as a whole- and because of that God did not carry out the destruction he threatened them with. But Jonah (a lot like us) got mad at God for his plans not following those that he thought God was going to do and in that God had to teach him yet another lesson. Praise for a patient and loving God.
I’ve had a lot of Jonah moments in my 24 years, but when I moved to Gainesville, in 2014, I promised myself no more. If I felt like I was being called somewhere or I was supposed to do something, even if it completely counter-acted MY plans for my life, I would pray on it and if that’s where the Lord wanted me to go I would, no if, ands, or buts about it. And so that’s how I arrived here sitting in an internet café in Mokhotlong, Lesotho writing this blog to you all.
I’ll be 25 years old when I get home from the race, I SHOULD have a full-time job, working towards a career, I SHOULD be looking at settling down in a town for longer than a month at a time, I SHOULD be thinking about my 5 year plan, but instead of living out the “American Dream,” I’ve been given and incredible opportunity to do something I never imagined was possible. I love the opportunity I’ve been given this year, the sights I get to see that will forever change how I look at this planet, the places I get to call “home” for a short while and the people I have met and will get to meet who will forever hold a place in my heart, they’re all ridiculously incredible. But with that being said you only get to see the side I’m willing to show you on Facebook, Instagram, my blog etc. and I’m tired of having a filter on what I’m doing here, please hear me when I say this trip is not all fun and games.
What I’m experiencing this year is hard. I have missed big mile stones in those closest to me; my best friend since middle school got married and I wasn’t there to watch his bride walk down the aisle to him, my cousin had a baby who I have yet to meet, my best friend got engaged and I’m not there to help her plan any detail of her big day, my little sister moved out of my parents house for the first time; I’m missing birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and everything in between.
Some months I only get the opportunity to shower once a week, I’ve lived in houses with no running water or electricity, I get no say in where I go or what ministry I get to do, I’m living with at least 5 other people at all times, I eat food that doesn’t always sit well with my stomach, I’ve had to go to the bathroom in long drops (holes dug into the ground with a grass gate around you), I’ve slept on concrete floors with no padding, I’ve gotten rained out of my tent, I’ve been so sick where all I wanted was for my Mom to be there and make it better but she was half a world away, I’ve been eaten alive by bugs, doing laundry takes all day, I’ve been put with ministry hosts that I didn’t agree with, I always carry toilet paper in my purse because most restrooms on this side of the world don’t provide that for you, and so much more.
The past 6 months have stretched me, bruised me, reopen old wounds and forever changed how I will look at the word ‘community’. Things I never thought I would be saying, I now say proudly; the way I live my life on a day-to-day basis has drastically changed from when I left the states, I won’t watch movies now that I used to enjoy because I’m starting to understand that what you put into your body, mind and soul is what you will get in return.
I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss Taco Lu’s tacos and Cruiser’s burgers and fries (and let’s be honest their ranch too), I miss my beach, I miss my bed, doing my hair, being able to shower whenever I want, and wearing clothes I haven’t worn 4 days in a row. I miss my dog. I miss knowing where everything is in the town I live in. I miss M&Ms and Oreos and Reese’s and pub-subs, heck, I just miss being able to choose what I’m going to eat in a day. But, all of that is still there at home waiting for me to return and all of that will not make me a better person but, a year away from those comforts will make me grow in ways I didn’t even know was possible.
This trip is not all fun, leaving my comforts of home is not fun, missing people and events are not fun, and not being able to choose what you do on a day-to-day basis is not fun. But, saying ‘yes’ to God is fun- He will bring you places you never thought you would be able to go to, He will allow you freedom from bondage and shame, He will break your chains and He will open your eyes to how incredibly amazing He is and the world around you is and you will start to understand it a little more when He said, “…There is no one who has left house or brothers or sister or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life.” (Mark 10:29-30 ESV)
