I need you, to open my eyes and see that you’re shaping my life
All I am, I surrender.
Give me faith to trust what you say, that you’re good and your love is great;
I’m broken inside; I give you my life.
I need you, to soften my heart and break me apart
I need you to pierce through the dark and cleanse every part of me.
All I am, I surrender.
Last month, my team and I had the incredible opportunity of getting to be a part of Penang House of Prayer, and the words above were my prayer for the month. At the time, I had no idea what the coming month would look, but I knew I wanted the Lord to open my eyes to show me things they way He sees them.
I asked Him to soften my heart and teach me how to love the way He loves us – a no-questions-asked, unadulterated, forever-kind-of-love. A love given regardless of our past, our future, or anything in between.
This month, my team and I are in Chiangmai, Thailand, working alongside Lighthouse in Action, a ministry helping to pull woman and men out from the sex trade.
I have had a heart for these kinds of people as long as I can remember. Six years ago, when I first went to school to get my degree in psychology, I knew trafficked men and women were the people group I wanted to focus on helping with my degree. And now, here I am.
In America, we like to say things without totally thinking them through. We see a girl selling her body on the side of the street as a means to an end, and we call her a “prostitute”, “hooker”, or some other derogatory word. We label her without knowing or even thinking to ask for the whole story. We give her a title – “prostitute” – as if it were her identity, fully who she is.
I was talking with Kayla (a super brilliant teammate of mine) the other night over dinner. She was telling me how when she worked at a summer camp for children with special needs, they were taught in training how to talk about the kids. You don’t say “He’s autistic”; you say “He is a boy with autism”. Instead of placing his identity in his special needs, you draw people to the fact that he is in fact a BOY, above being autistic.
The Lord has really pulled at my heart since we’ve been here regarding the words we use while talking about the women and men we meet out at the bars. Instead of calling these women “prostitutes”, what we should be saying is, “These are women who are in prostitution”.
Instead of calling the men “Johns”, they are “Men who chose to buy women”. Their identity is NOT in their actions, but in their true identity as sons and daughters of the Most High King. Regardless of them choosing to see it or not, I have an obligation to view them the same way the Lord views them.
Last week, we had our parents here with us for the Parent Vision Trip. It was an incredible week of working alongside our parents, laughing, getting to do ministry with them, and having some deep conversations. During one of these conversations, one of the dads made a comment stating how he had a hard time looking at the women in the bars the same way he did his daughter. He didn’t see them like he saw me and my other squamates.
This broke my heart. I turned to him, and as calmly as I could, told him views like that were what were wrong with the church today.
If you don’t know my testimony, here it is: during my “spiraling out of control” period, I did a lot of things that I’ve come to accept as part of my journey – but that I used to be totally ashamed of admitting.
I was doing the same thing these women do. I didn’t sell my body for money; instead, I sold it for approval of men, and for the hopes of being liked and wanted. I sold it for a few dinners with a guy who wouldn’t call me back once he got what he was after.
I was in the same exact position these women are – the difference being I found out about Jesus’ unfaltering love for me. I understood He was willing to do anything to get me to turn to Him instead of turning to the men of this world.
In the two weeks I’ve been here in Changmai, the Lord has opened my eyes and shown me how similar I am to the women out at the bars. I am no better than the women who are out at the bars right now, who are trying their hardest to make a living for their families.
You are no better than them, either. Yeah, you might still be a virgin; yeah, you may not have ever stolen anything, or gotten drunk. But as my pastor always says, “We are all wretched black-hearted sinners, and not one of us is free of sin.”
We all had a hand in causing those nails to be driven through Jesus’ hands, and He died so we could one day be free from the sin of this world. If you think that’s a harsh way of putting it, think instead about what Jesus had to go through to allow you to be free.
The world tends to fog our mirror. From the time we are born, we are fed lies by the world – lies about what happiness should look like, lies about how “true love” looks (thanks rom-coms). We learn how women “should” be treated thanks to secular music videos with scantily-clad woman and books like 50 Shades of Grey. We strive for the highest-paying jobs because the more money we have, the more things we can buy; and the more things we can buy, the happier we will be.
And we start to believe the things of this world are the only things, the best things, for us. We focus on the right now and the satisfaction of the moment, instead of looking at the bigger picture.
But this month, my team and I have a chance to change that. Every time we talk to these women in the bars, every time we pray for them, every time we hang out with them and smile at them and treat them as equals and not less-than, we wipe a layer of grime away. And slowly, over time, the mirror that they view themselves in will become clear enough. Some day, they will be able to look at their reflection and see their true identity – as a son or daughter of the Most High King.
So the next time you see someone doing something you may not agree with, whether it be selling themselves for a small profit, buying the people selling themselves, or even taking something that isn’t theirs, instead of judging them and claiming an identity over them that has no place – go say hi. Ask if you can buy them a coffee. Try to get to know that person, show them how God has redeemed your life for the better, and they ways He can help them do the same, if they allow Him to.
