Mom I probably won’t get married and it’s OK (let’s see what happens)
So here I am in Romania, in an 11 month mission trip… and what am I doing? Looking at Facebook. Seeing a mass of people getting engaged and married. Relationships everywhere; and part of my heart starts to jump thinking “when is it going to be my turn?” I know it’s not now because I’m in this mission trip… but when? Then the other part of my heart starts saying “hey stupid, stop focusing on silly things. Quit Facebook and focus in the Kingdom’s work.
The thing is that I’m a girl and apparently that is a fight I have to fight.
To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” – Genesis 3:16
Thank you very much Eve, because the pain at giving birth wasn’t bad enough. So what I’m trying to say is that here I am doing something I‘ve dreamed about for years (traveling the world sharing the gospel) and part of my brain (dumb part) is day dreaming and the other part is mad and frustrated with the “dumb part”. Part of my heart thinks that not getting married would be a punishment and the other one says that not getting married and being a missionary would be a privilege.
So “Dumb part of the brain/heart” is following all this social influences, all these chick-flick movies, where the girl is finally happy when she meets prince charming, it’s trying to run away from the petty looks of the old ladies in the church saying “poor thing, she is so pretty, why she doesn’t find a husband?” And then the other part “Smart part of the brain/heart” is saying “you don’t need a companion, God is everything you need (which is true) so shut up “dumb part of the brain” I don’t have time for you.
But what is God saying in the middle of all of this? Two years ago God showed me that I wanted a relationship more than His will. I walked the painful process of surrendering that to God, but I ran to the opposite direction “I don’t want a companion, that is too hard, God and I can do all things, we can survive everything”. Today God showed me that I was wrong in that thought too, I was shooting down the possibility to love a person just because it was too painful, because I had lost hope.
Now God is saying don’t focus on that, whatever happens it’s going to be perfect, wait on Me. His will is perfect, if I get married it’s because that’s the best way I can share His kingdom, and if I don’t is because it’s the best way I can share His Kingdom. Isn’t He great? He is promising me that it doesn’t matter what happens it’s going to be a story field with love, happiness and perfection, because it’s His story and not mine. It’s not about me, it’s about Him. So now Nicole (and everyone else) stop worrying about your drama… He has everything in control and so far it’s BEAUTIFUL.
