Jesus said: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.”
Love God, and love people. Bare with me on this one.
I work around 30 hours a week, run 5 miles a day, train Jiu Jitsu and submission grappling at least 5 hours a week, hit the gym 5 days out of the week, work as a youth leader and speaker, and am focused on my family and chasing Christ. My mentality is “nobody cares, work harder”, and as a role model of mine would say “keep hammering”. You’re tired Nick? Run an extra mile. You’re sore? Go to training. I’m driven, motivated, disciplined, and chasing becoming a man of Christ, and an upright leader.
I’ve also raised about $120 out of $15,000 needed to go on a 9 month mission trip around the world. Something doesn’t fit, something isn’t right.
Fear is the easiest solution to a daunting problem. Rickson Gracie, one of the, if not THE greatest/scariest jiu jitsu fighter on the face of the earth had a few things to say that match my spirit.
The opposite of courage is conformity
Our fears don’t stop death, they stop life.
For the past few months I have been frozen in my heart, and my lungs with fear that has crippled me and brought me to my knees about fundraising. What if I don’t get enough? what if i fail?
See in my life, I can actively conquer almost anything. I can conquer my mind, I can conquer my body, I can conquer the road, I can conquer my opponent on the mat, and I can conquer how I control myself and how I love others. I can’t control how much people give, I can’t control how people remember my past. I can’t control that I struggled with identity, loneliness, and addiction in High School. I can do my best now, I can do everything right, and at the end of the day, as with all things, God is ultimately in control of my heart. And for the past three months, fear has gripped me and brought me to my knees. I didn’t fight, I sank, and crumbled to the all imposing “remember when you___”
And then just recently, as He has always done, Jesus found me on my knees, and gently reminded me on the ground which I stand. “‘Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One.” Little ones, look-look, listen-listen, eyes upfront my little ones. Remember when you were joyful and when I ruled your heart? Remember baseball games with your dad, remember cooking with your mom? Remember back before the drugs, the alcohol, the nights you can’t take back. Remember back before you should have said no, remember back before you blew it all, remember back before you tried to fill your life, succeed on your own, and prove that you were man without massive holes in your armor. Remember back when you loved me as a child, when you asked me how much do you love me God and I lifted up your head, pointed you to heaven and showed you the galaxies I made. And I showed you the stars, the animals, the earth itself that I created. And I said to you Nick “I love you more than all of this”
Have I set the mood? Remember that?
Now that you remember what it felt like to dwell in my peace, and to be filled with my courage in the face of fear, Love God with everything you have. Love Him with all your feeling, commitment, mind, thoughts, actions, words, with everything you choose or feel.
These are just some of the lessons that I’ve been blessed to learn over the past few weeks. Fear is real, but courage through that fear is stronger. So here we go, Love God Love people and let the Creator of the Universe sort out the rest. This marks one step closer to me going, one step closer to me being where I want to be, and what step closer to me answering the call that God has on my life. God willing i’ll raise the funds, He’s done more with way less. I am so insufficient, and He is more than enough. Here is to fighting and conquering a different opponent. This time it isn’t my body, an opponent on the mat, or my heart which is deceitful, and selfish, this is about conquering through Christ, because only through Him do I stand a chance at living this life the way it is supposed to be lived, freely traveling this earth with a smile, spreading love and joy wherever I walk.
The war for my heart and for my courage started long before I’ll ever set foot on a plane to Georgia, or to The Dominican. The battle for my courage is being fought right now, and it’s on me. Do I give it God admitting that with my own strength i’m useless, or do I try and do it on my own, and crumble under the weight of fear?
It’s not easy, it’s war.
