I’ve gotten a lot of comments about my communication throughout this year. I’m told I have a strong Wisconsin accent (which I’m proud of). I often speak in a roundabout way instead of being straightforward. My vocabulary in the English language is limited, but to make up for that, I’ve created my own words, which have compiled to form what people call the “Nicktionary.” I’m gonna go and blame my mother on that one, since most of the words I use I’ve first heard from her. (Sorry Mom! I still love you. Haha)
But the feedback that I’ve gotten the most (in fact, it’s probably been the most received feedback I’ve gotten as a whole this year) has been my incredible overuse of the words “like” and “um” in my speech. It doesn’t pertain as much in my casual conversation, but more so when I have something “important” to say or am sharing my thoughts/opinions on a matter. I’ve seriously gotten this feedback since Month 1 in Ecuador and have heard it numerous times throughout the year including a couple days ago. This repetition has caused me to reflect a lot, which is why I write this blog.
My thoughts about this feedback have gone through various seasons this year. At first, I was appreciative of the feedback as it exposed a deeper issue of being insecure in the work God did through me, particularly with speaking into other peoples’ lives. I often felt I wasn’t knowledgeable enough or worthy enough to speak into, encourage, and/or guide my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. And while that still is a struggle from time to time, God has grown me a lot in my identity in Him and my security in the person He has made me and the work He does through me.
But still I got the feedback and still for the same reason of insecurity. As I felt a lot of growth in that area, my attitude toward the feedback began to change. I’ve never been at a place where I’ve resented the feedback, but I was at a place where the feedback didn’t impact me much because I chalked it up to habit and just me being me (bumbler and all). I accepted that I was like Moses and just not that great with speaking and conveying my thoughts. (I by no means, compare myself to Moses in any other way)
However as the feedback’s continued these last couple months, various people have challenged me to investigate the reason for the feedback more. There has to be a reason this feedback has come up over and over again this year. As much as I may not want to investigate it and allow the Lord to search my heart in this matter, I know refusing to do so would be foolish.
Something my friend Eric (the other guy on my team) told me recently was just because a behavior or skill may not reveal any deeper character struggle or other spiritual issue, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be something I take heed of. Sometimes the things that don’t seem spiritually or biblically important in our lives affect the impact God creates through us. For example, King David started off as a shepherd boy and learned skills with his slingshot while defending his sheep. Later God used those skills to slay Goliath and free Israel from the Philistines. (1 Samuel 17)
Being skilled with a slingshot in itself has no spiritual impact, but God used David’s skills (skills that He blessed him with) to perform a great work. In the same way, being able to speak and communicate my thoughts clearly doesn’t mean much in itself, but God uses those skills/abilities for His purposes to impact other people. Many people have said my use of “like” and “um” distract them from being able to understand the meaning of what I’m saying. And while that’s something that may not distract me as much (probably because other people don’t use them as much), I want to grow in my communication skills so people can better understand what God is saying through me.
I’m still figuring out how God is going to use me in the months and years to come, but I’m beginning to wonder if public speaking will be a part of His plans. I guess I’ll have to wait and see, but regardless of what happens, I want to respond to the things God is laying before me. And as much as I’ve tried to brush aside my communication skills, nothing has been more constant this year.
Lord, continue to search me and guide me as I begin to take this feedback to heart. Thank you for all the many ways you’ve been teaching me and revealing yourself to me and I pray I will never miss out on or push aside the things you have for me. Amen.
