As an American, I come from a world that highly values productivity, usefulness, and endless activities. You always have to be doing something or going somewhere in order to feel like your life has purpose. Just sitting and being is deemed lazy, boring, and a waste of life. This month has often felt like that.
It kind of just comes with the nature of the work that we are doing this month. Since we don’t have a contact, there isn’t anyone filling our schedule for the day. We have that responsibility which we normally do by setting up meetings with potential ministry contacts, doing outreaches with them, and having team gatherings for worship/prayer. But there are numerous hours in the day where there is just nothing for us to do except sit on our beds and surf the Internet, watch TV shows, read our Bible, have casual conversation, etc. And it’s in those times where I begin to feel useless.
I like being busy. I like occupying my time with things, especially when they involve Kingdom work. I want to be evangelizing. I want to be working/playing with kids. I want to be partnering with organizations and assisting them in the work they are doing in their communities. I want God to use me to bring light to dark areas. I want to do BIG things for Him and His Kingdom.
And not only do I desire that presently, but also when dwelling on my future. I want to be abroad somewhere, doing the Lord’s work. I want to impact the people around me and have people see Jesus by how I live my life and love others. I want to be a part of a ministry that fights the evil injustices of this world and brings people into a relationship with Jesus Christ. I want my life to have purpose and meaning.
And that’s not a bad thing to desire. It’s good to not want my life to be a waste. But I need to be careful on how I judge whether my life is purposeful or not. I need to be careful in deeming what works are required by God. I was reading my Bible the other day and this verse jumped out at me.
“Jesus answered, ‘The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.’” John 6:29
That’s what the work of God is?? What about proclaiming good news to the poor? What about comforting those who mourn? What about feeding the hungry? What about taking care of the orphans and widows? What about fighting the injustices of this evil world? Doesn’t that fall under the works of God?
Well…yes and no. Yes, God wants His church to be active in bringing His Kingdom to this world. As it says in James, faith without deeds is dead. (James 2:26) Of course God doesn’t just want us to sit around and do nothing to impact the world around us. He has called us to be His ambassadors with the message of reconciliation. (2 Cor. 5:19-20) But where those actions manifest from is where the second-half of the answer comes in.
What does God truly desire? Does He desire the things I can do for Him or the sacrifices I can make for Him? The answer is no. He ultimately desires for me to know Him and have a relationship with Him. There’s nothing to Him that compares to that.
Christianity isn’t just another religion where I have to do A, B, and C in order to get to God. Christianity is about recognizing the fact that my sinful self CAN’T do A, B, C, or any other letter that leads me to God. The only hope I have in reaching God is to believe in the one who paved a way for me and paid the price for my sins: Jesus Christ. Being a Christian is about having a relationship with God and works resulting from that: not the other way around.
So when there are seasons in my life where it seems like I’m not doing much or when I’m anxious about the work I’ll do in my future, it’s important to remind myself those works don’t define me and God doesn’t need me to do things for Him. He just wants me to know Him. He wants me to have an intimate relationship with Him. He wants me to sit at His feet and listen to Him like Mary did, rather than be in the kitchen “serving” Him. (Luke 10:38-42)
May this truth continue to take root in me and may any “religion” in my life be dismantled. Thank you for your prayers and support. Love you all and can’t wait to see you again in 1 month! (Woah!!)
