As I took my first steps off my states-bound plane that flew from Managua, Nicaragua to Miami, Florida, I was overcome with incredible peace. I knew in that instant that this is where God wanted me to be.
I never would have imagined that this peace would be the end result of an abrupt end to a commitment of service spanning 11 months. Who would have thought that someone could obtain peace after breaking a commitment made to both teammates and sponsors, especially so early on in the trip? I’ve had to face many questions in the past week from people on my team, squad, family members, and friends, and everyone seems to ask one main question… “Why did you leave the race?”
For many, the race is a tool God uses for a threefold purpose. Firstly, it draws individual racers close to both Him and fellow believers. Secondly, the race is a medium which God can use these individuals to shine the light where others may refuse to go or do not have the resources to go. Thirdly, it is a way for sponsors to fulfill their call to give and build relationships with the racers who have followed the call. These are all applicable to every single racer on the field, including myself. I met some incredible people on my team, squad, and ministry sites during those nearly three months of ministry. These individuals are some of the most amazing, God-fearing, loving people you could ever meet. I have thanked the Lord every morning since I have been back in the states for being able to meet these people. We each desired to fulfill the commandment of going and making disciples of ALL nations, and because of this, the community we built was so strong. We were able to be beacons of light for those who needed God. We witnessed healing, spiritual discovery, and spiritual growth in all phases of our ministry. Furthermore, these people and I were able to forge bonds with our sponsors and were able to share just what God did each and every week on the race.
These are all very great things. However, many people view the race as an 11 month commitment where no other commitments, including other missions commitments, can be made during that time. Although the race is an act of faithfulness, it may lead us to a blindness of other ministry opportunities around the world. The race becomes an ultimatum of faithfulness to Christ, and all other options are thrown out the window for those 11 months. But maybe God calls us to the race, this large commitment, to reveal even greater missions opportunities. We’ve all heard the story of Abraham and Isaac. God promised Abraham a great nation and as many children as sands on the seashore. One day, however, God called Abraham to sacrifice his one and only son. Abraham was forced with a decision. Should he remain faithful to God and follow through with his command and trust that God would follow through on his promise, or should he disobey out of his disbelief that God would provide him another son with Sarah being as old as she was? Abraham remained faithful, and God provided a ram to sacrifice instead of Isaac upon the time of the sacrifice.
I, as with all of us racers, was called to the race for a specific purpose. That purpose included advancing God’s kingdom, but certainly wasn’t limited to just that. In my short time on the race, God used specific people at specific times to reveal things in my life that needed reformation. He has radically changed my views on immigrants, styles of worship, what discipleship looks like, and has even began to pick away at my stubborn ways, impulsive decision-making, and sometimes quick-tempered nature. He also dug a pretty deep hole in my heart for discipling teens and young adults. All of this would not have been possible if it wasn’t for my “Go Big or Go Home” attitude. For those of you who know me, you know that my first triathlon was an Ironman, my first bridge jump was off a 60-foot bridge, and my first ever Buffalo Wild Wing flavor I tried was a Blazin’ wing. God used my craving for going big to draw me to World Race. However, as time would tell, God would reveal that He in fact drew me to the race to introduce me to another missions opportunity. Like Abraham, God called me to do something to see if I was faithful enough to do it, and when I showed God I was ready to do whatever he wanted me to, He revealed to me my true calling.
All of those things that God taught me during my brief time are directly applicable to where God is calling me next. Bear with me, because this is where God really steps in. The beginning of my last two weeks in Nicaragua, I began having a gut feeling that God was trying to get a hold of something in my life. I had no idea what He was trying to say, so at night before bed, I would sit on the steps outside of my bedroom and pray. Pray hard. I tried listening intently to what God was trying to say but nothing was coming to me. Then about the fourth night, I begin having the same strange dream multiple times a night about me running away from what felt like home. I would run to this open field, only to meet people I have never met and feel so alive in that moment. I would snap out of the dream and instantly be in a state prayer so deep to where I was sweating. The fifth night, I began to get this thought that maybe the race isn’t where I needed to be. Immediately, I rebuked that thought because I knew the race is where God called me to be. But as I began to digest that thought more and more, I began to feel a tugging on my heart. I then began to pray for discernment for what God wanted me to do. After a few nights of more praying, I felt that maybe God had better plans for me elsewhere. About a week after I had that initial feeling, I went into the local town to get WiFi. I messaged my mentor, a few of my friends, and some other people about what I had been going through those past few days. After talking and again, more praying, I felt that God was calling me back to the states for an unknown purpose. I felt so convicted that God wanted me back in the states that I made up my mind to go home in December, directly after month four in Honduras. Included in those people I messaged was a man who was the senior pastor at a new church plant in Wesley Chapel, FL. Him and I had met about a year ago when he came to SWU and talked about church plants he was doing. I told him about what was going on, and how my missions trip may be cut short for a variety of factors, and asked what was going on in their ministry. He then told me about how they were in deep need of people to help with their church plant.
That night, I go home and continue to pray again about what God wants me to do. I fall asleep only to have a dream about me viewing the world from space and seeing the country of Nicaragua blow up like a balloon, only to then pop and blow flower and grass seeds over the gulf into the state of Florida, and I then watched as the state of Florida blossom with life. I immediately woke up and felt like a fork was stabbed into my heart. Instantly, I knew what God was speaking to me.
I got back in contact with the pastor and began asking him more questions about his ministry. He then began telling me that they were beginning to launch an entirely new church in January of 2015 (an answer to why I felt called back to the states at the end of December) in Wesley Chapel, FL (an answer to why my dream included Nicaragua and Florida). He then told me he was in need of a leader to both disciple and evangelize to young adults (right up my management experience alley) because there is a very ripe harvest in that area (an answer to why God dug a hole in my heart for kids and young adults). He then went on to tell me that this church would be ethnically diverse (an answer in response to my change in heart about immigrants) and multi-generational. After every sentence I read, I felt God say in a more than clear voice, “Go”. I made up my mind to follow the call.
It was Wednesday when the decision was made. My flight was arranged rather quickly, more quickly than anticipated, and although I thought I was going to leave that next Tuesday from Managua which would have been yesterday, I instead left this past Saturday. My college cross country coach’s wife passed away a few days ago, and little did I know that the memorial service was going to be held this past Sunday. My coach has been a very impactful person in my life, and was one of the individuals who pushed me to be a better Christian man. When I got back into the states this past Saturday, I was able to attend that service the next morning and be able to support him in this tough time by mourning the passing and celebrating the life of his beloved wife. My flight was booked so quickly so that I had the opportunity to be there for him… Again, another sign that God’s hand was in all of this.
The hardest thing in all of this was to say goodbye to my teammates as I left for Managua from Ometepe Island. However, I knew that God has some huge plans for them as He does for me, and that He will continue to use them in ways that they are strong in. It’s also been very difficult to answer every question that everyone has for me, because although I know that God has called me from one ministry to another, I still don’t know His plans for me in the coming months. The plans and the move to Florida are still in the works, and the paperwork is still being filed, but I am without a doubt that God will come through yet again. If He does, I will begin my two year apprenticeship with Savanna Church while working full-time at a job that has yet to be determined.
I will admit that I feel like a piñata with God battering me from one direction to another. However, I am incredibly blessed to have a team, a squad, and members of AIM that fully support the decision and know without a doubt that this decision is what God desires for my life. Leaving wasn’t easy, nor will these next steps be, but I know that where God wants me is where I want to be. I continue to be at peace every morning I wake up. I know that this is where God wants me. So to briefly answer the first question, “Why did I leave the race?”….
I desire to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and want to follow Him where He leads. Although I may not completely understand all of it and why He called me away from the race, I know He has plans in Wesley Chapel and that His righteous hand is in everything I do, and I continue to seek and live out the will of the Lord with each passing day.
Your brother and friend,
Nick Shear
