Some days I do not pray, some meals I forget to pray for and sometimes I am not all that great of a person.
I have been committed to The World Race for a month now and it has been a month of absolute greatness alongside absolute struggle. This month I have seen my life changed in the positive and also the negative. These past weeks I have struggled personally from dealing with a weighing question of whether I am really enough to do something so immense. Whether the next pastor, theological studies major, or daily church attendee would be in a better position to take my place. These are lies and I have realized the lies in which we often question whether we are good enough to call ourselves christians or not. We are human, Lets not forget this. Plain and simple we are not angels, obviously. We so often have such high expectations for ourselves we become discouraged when we do not see results that same instance. But he calls us to be in this moment to be changed not expecting anything more or anything less. God did not bring me to this place of my life expecting me to be 100% of where he is going to take me. We so often expect to be changed in an instance when in reality God has a timing more pure and thought out than anything we could come up with in an instant. He wants us to thrive in the experience of being changed. He works in our lives to allow us to experience the lows as well as the highs in hopes one day we can be examples of his mercy and his grace.
In this process I have realized nobody is born experienced in his will and he calls upon the unexperienced and builds them to be unlike the next missionary, mother, father or preacher but to become ourselves for him. Change is not beautiful and the process is not storybook fairytale. I do not experience each morning with birds chirping and rainbows outside my windows and I am not spared sleepless nights of fighting away the lies. But I find peace in knowing, throughout this entire process, God Is changing me in all the right ways. To be able to spread love, life and his word wherever I may go.
“But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.” -1 Peter 2:9
