Well I told you I would be completely honest with you in blogging so here goes. Ill start with the bad and then go to the good. I just got back from hanging out with my Squad leaders, really just getting to know Joshua’s heart better and sharing our testimonies with each other. It was awesome, but on the way back to were we were staying a little boy came up to us asking for money, it was 10:40pm at night. He said he was 11 years old, but I’m not sure he was that old. He tried to act so tough, but a hug and a bag rub later and he was laughing and sitting down with us. There are three options for what most kids are in the Phillipines: 1) orphaned and homeless and just begging for food 2) he is 1 AND also huffs glue to numb the hunger pains that he gets from starving 3) he begs for money to give to some type of “pimp” and gets fed because of it. All three options break my heart. I started tearing up in the middle of the street, I was trying really hard not to start sobbing because there was nothing I could do to help him. I could only pray and love him for that moment and believe in the justice of our glorious God. I felt so useless. Then right after that these two guys, one who was super drunk, got on the jeepney with us. Jeepney is a old humvee turned into a taxi type service. It has benches on each side of the back and is a common form of transportation in the Philippines. They got on and I am about 99.9% sure that they were gay. It was extremely uncomfortable being in sight of it, much less riding near them on the jeepney. On top of that the more sober one was touching the super drunk one really inappropriately. The whole ride the emiotions going through my head were SO intense. I just got done seeing this innocent child suffering and couldn’t do anything but attempt to offer some momentary love and care. Then I get on the jeepney thinking Ill be able to process this at the YMC, where we are staying, and have to see that. At first all I could think about was how wrong it was, then I could super pissed, then darkness. I realized how dark some of the places I am going are going to be. I started crying again at the overwhelmingness of it all. “How can I do anything against that darkness?” Then I look over and my other squad leader Megan, who has such a gentle and compassionate soul, is mouthing words. I have no idea what, but instantly know she is glorifying or praying to God right there. Later I learn that she was singing the song “Freedom reigns in this place”. It was so encouraging to see that light of her love for Christ coming forth through that overwhelming darkness. And I realized that Christ is anywhere and everywhere we who carry Him are. He has already defeated death, and He died on the cross for ALL sins, not just mine. I realized I am not the judger, but Christ will come again with a righteous just fire that will judge all and all I can do is present myself as a tool to be used by him as much as possible. There is HOPE and there is LOVE even when the darkness feels like it is closing in. Christ has already won!! So though I was still really sad and heart brokenly devastated over what I had just witnessed I was also encouraged by the truth that God does not forsake us.
