Let me share with you some things I’ve been learning. I didn’t know that I was still holding on to my life at home. I didn’t know that I hadn’t given it all to God yet.
I hadn’t.
After this last months compilation of crap I’ve realized there’s still a lot more of me I need to let go of.
So, what now?
My buddy Colin gave it to me something like this. There’s a line with three points on it, one at each end and one right in the middle and right now I’m riding the middle point. On one side is a total commitment to this trip, people and all God has for me here. On the other is my life at home or my “reality” aka the life that I am used to. He told me I had a foot on each side of the center point and I had to decide which I was going to give myself to.
So, what now?
Which way do I go?
I know its a rhetorical question. I’ve got to let go, I’ve got to stop holding onto things I can’t control and give myself, all of myself, to God. I have to be content with celebrating from half way around the world when a child is born or be trusting enough to just pray with my family when bad things happen and my loved ones go through the fire. I mean, I signed up for this thing. I wasn’t drafted, no one forced this on me. I knew that there would be things that I would miss. I knew that it was going to be hard. So I guess that part of me just needs to say that I’m going forward, I have committed to this until its over and I won’t let myself get so hung up again. These past few weeks have been hard on me. Funny how I didn’t really notice. Maybe because I was hiding out on facebook or in a computer game. Anyway I wanted you all to know that in order for our squad to grow, closer to God and each other, Dan and Brandy have decided to implement an electronics fast for two weeks. Starting on the 3rd we spend 14 days going to each other and to God rather than hiding on the internet or in bed with our ipods in. I know for our families at home this may be hard but believe me when I say that, “we need this.” Pray hard for the J squad these next two weeks. God is going to take new places and we are really looking forward to it.
