The World Race – Def (noun): simultaneously the quickest and slowest year of your young adult life.
But seriously.
If I’m being honest with you, I’ve not allowed myself to feel much this month; it’s a defense mechanism I’ve worked hard to perfect, but that the Lord started to break down during our first month on the Race. I’d like to believe that I’ve grown in the process, but I’ve been allowing room for the Enemy to deceive.
And so right this moment, I’m declaring Truth and Light over myself in Jesus’ name; with light comes exposure, with exposure comes vulnerability, and with raw vulnerability comes an opening of the floodgates; ready or not, here He comes!
It’s funny because I’m never truly ready; but I am willing, so allow me to feel for a second. (It’ll be great)
First of all, the last thing I want to do right now is leave this island nation. “THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME, I NEED MORE TIME,” I’m feeling that so strongly in this moment. The weight of leaving doesn’t ever settle in until I’m about to step foot on the plane; but the farewell tears are falling for the first time in a long time, and I’m wondering what the cost is when your heart’s instinct is to view relationships as temporary, not eternal.
Second, this island is inhabited by some of the most generous people I’ve ever come to know; so how do I reconcile the fact that I received so much more than I was actually willing to give? It reminds me of the generosity of our Father, of how little I’m willing to give over to Him compared to the endless amount of grace and love that I, undeservedly, receive from Him.
And then there’s debrief right around the corner. Month five debrief involves team changes and leadership changes, meaning the women I’ve been doing life with for the past four months are no longer going to be on a team together. A season of (even more) change. Yay!
Except the “Yay!” isn’t totally sarcastic. I’m beyond excited for how the Lord will empower and equip each of us over these next seven months, how He will encourage me to chase after the people around me in an even deeper way, how He will transform my heart eyes to see through an eternal lens.
Because even though I’m choosing to feel the hard emotions, I’m also choosing to feel the heart-tickling ones. The emotions that highlight just how much Kingdom our team brought in a closed country this month, and just how much provision the Lord blessed us with along the way.
Let’s talk about our Hindu sister asking questions about God’s word on the very first day of ministry. About how a Hindu husband and wife welcomed us into their home for the entire month, allowing us the opportunity to pour into their family. How a group of curious girls became fast friends, asking tough questions about Jesus and even teaching from His word at one of our discovery groups. How we gained a sister in Christ who made the bold and life-altering decision to be baptized despite family opposition – risking everything in pursuit of Jesus.
And let’s also talk about the women selling sarongs on the beach, how we built relationship with them by supporting and dignifying their work. About our Uber drivers asking us to tell them more about this man we call Jesus, even a short ride home becoming an opportunity to build kingdom. Let’s talk about the love of Christ we got to share with men, women and children seeking refuge from the eruption of Mount Agung. How we prayed healing over women at the refugee camp, trusting that God holds the authority to restore them. Let’s talk about how despite Evil’s best effort to claim territory over this nation, God is here and the Victory is His.
Thank you so much to our hosts for showing us what it looks like to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a spiritually dark nation. Thanks for leading with such grace and fervor in your ministry. Thanks for ‘adopting’ us as your daughters and going out of your way to make us feel at home. The Country That Cannot Be Named will surely be missed, and its people missed even more.
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“For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace” – (John 1:16 ESV)
ONWARD, to the Philippines!
