Journal entry, 8.14.17: “I’m facing the window, looking out at the mountains to our west and I’m immediately reminded of Jesus. The sunlight hasn’t quite made it over our mountain and onto the city, but I’m watching the shadow disappear as Tim Hughes lyrics run through my head. “Light of the world You stepped down into darkness / Opened my eyes, let me see Beauty that made this heart adore you.” The perfect words to capture this morning view; creation is a beautiful thing.”
I’ve never consistently kept a journal, but this month makes me wish I had. These quiet mornings with the Lord have transformed my walk with Him already; I think it’s because I’m not a morning person, yet I’m choosing to spend time with Him instead of choosing sleep. A sacrifice well worth it.
A more convicting realization came though the following morning when I was having abnormal heartburn that prevented me from being able to focus on journaling or reading scripture. Kicking doubt to the curb, I asked the Lord to rid me of the heartburn. The moment I finished the prayer, it vanished! No more heartburn. WHAT.
The Nichol of merely 3 months ago would have described it as a coincidence. She probably wouldn’t have asked for healing for herself over something as trivial as heartburn to begin with; her hesitance would turn to doubt and then to fear that nothing would happen. Even when healing prayer was on her tongue, there was a large part of her heart that was anticipating no answer.
Hard to admit, but I place a limit on the power of God quite often; trusting Him only with what I consider possible in this world. I forget that He is not of this world and that impossibility is not in his vocabulary. Healing from heartburn might not be the most miraculous account of healing in the world; but this was the first time that I had ever experienced healing from prayer, and it was a cool moment.
In that moment of both surprise and celebration, my mind hit play on Tim Hughes again: “Opened my eyes, let me see Beauty that made this heart adore you.” The first time I thought of a literal opening of the eyes, the view of the mountains and the transition from darkness to light being the ‘beauty’ that my heart adored. The second time I heard a gentle, but convicting voice telling me that I need to live a little more by faith and a little less by sight.
It might be vision in the literal sense or just a knowledge and assurance of what the future looks like; either way, I place too much emphasis on the things that are seen. Even in the midst of healing prayer, I didn’t 100% believe that the heartburn would vanish until it was a reality I was already experiencing. It reminds me of something one of my squad leaders told me recently: that what is seen is fleeting and what is unseen is real. Through this conviction, I’m reminded that you could have 20/20 vision and knowledge of all things yet still live your entire life blind. I’d much rather place trust in what is eternal, and I’m beginning to learn what that looks like as I journey into greater intimacy with the Lord.
While Creation is a beautiful thing and is often used as a way for the Lord to speak to me, the real Beauty that my heart adores is the intangible, but everlasting joy of being in relationship with Him. That means trusting Him even when the answer is no, believing that He will make my paths straight even when I’m uncertain of how He’s going to do it. That isn’t easy, but I’m ready to trade in my sight for something greater. I don’t know exactly what that ‘something greater’ is, but I’m okay with not knowing because if it’s from the Lord I know it’ll be Good.
I’ll post another update soon talking about the ministry we have been serving with this month, but just wanted to provide a glimpse of what the Lord has been teaching me over these past couple of weeks.
Buenos días from Bogota, Colombia. 🙂
