Inadequate, BUT…
I feel like that has been a theme for me, especially as I have been called to overseas missions.
Lets start 3 years ago, summer 2011, I was in the midst of 7.5 weeks in Zambia (that’s a country in Africa), and there are two moments where I felt extremely inadequate on that trip.
First, was the first time we visited someone with HIV and I was asked to pray for them. In Africa, HIV is a death sentence because they do not have money and/or access to the drugs that can prolong their life for years, maybe even a lifetime. What do you pray? How do you pray? My faith was not nearly strong enough then (it is much stronger now) because back then my thoughts were, at least in America I can pray that the drugs help her live a long, healthy life, but in that moment I felt helpless… inadequate.
Second, was the morning I preached in Africa. After my sermon the pastor of the church called anyone up to the front who wanted to be prayed for. I thought it would be a simple 1-2 minute prayer over everyone and done. No, they wanted me to pray over each individual up there and there were like 15 people who came forward. Now what do I do? Who am I to pray over these people? What gives me the ability? What makes me so special? Can’t someone else do it? Again, my faith was not nearly strong enough. I was helpless… inadequate.
The difference now is that I KNOW I am inadequate, BUT, in Christ I have the power to pray healing on a woman with HIV. I am inadequate, BUT, in Christ I have the authority to pray over 15 Africans in the middle of a church service. I am inadequate, BUT, Christ makes me adequate, He desires to use me and calls me to be used.
Inadequacy was a common theme at Training Camp, not necessarily intentionally, but we were forced to confront our past, confront the pain in our lives we had been running from, confront any and all inadequacy we felt so that we may be empowered by the Holy Spirit dwelling in us to be adequate, to be powerful and authoritative in Christ’s name no matter what we are confronting. We no longer have to fear our past, our present, or our future because Christ will give us the power and authority when we need it and call upon His name.
A quick example of inadequacy at training camp rests on the amount of sleep I got. I got about 33-34 hrs of sleep over 7 days (and wasn’t well rested the days before that). I was very much inadequate during training camp. I was physically tired and exhausted… well, I should have been tired and exhausted, but almost every day I wasn’t. God was teaching me that in my inadequacy He was filling me up to keep me going. It seemed each time I prayed or read the Word I was rejuvenated, especially when I started my day in the Word and prayer. Specifically, there was a night where we had to sleep on a bus, 57 people on a 44 passenger bus. I ended up taking the stairs, which gave me more space than most people, but 0 comfortable sleeping positions (I think I tried 25 that night). I’m too tall and there are too many corners and tight turns and awkward places on the stairs of a bus. However, I spent 2-3 hrs of that “night” (rather early morning) in the Word and in prayer. So, even though I only got around 30-60 minutes of sleep that night I was “rested” and had a strong day the next day because of the life God gave me in my inadequacy. Sure, I eventually felt tired and exhausted throughout the day; I was inadequate, BUT, God gave me the energy to persevere when I needed it and He continued to draw me back to Himself, to rely solely on Him.
That being said, tonight as I write this I feel very inadequate. If you are anything like me you know a lot of people and seemingly all of those people need prayer, specific prayer. I have a prayer board that I use (see previous blog about my prayer board… http://nicmizeur.theworldrace.org/?filename=whats-in-a-name) and it currently has nearly 200 names on it of people to be prayed for. That does not even include close friends and family who likely won’t be on the prayer board but I’ll still pray for, or the 10 countries my squad knows we are going to, or the 7 places friends of mine went to this past year on mission trips. I think of all the people on my board and how many of them have specific prayer requests and I am completely overwhelmed… inadequate… and I believe both God and Satan want me to feel that way. Yes, both God and Satan want me to feel inadequate. The difference is Satan wants to hold me down in my inadequacy and remind me that I am not good enough, I can’t do it, I am nothing. BUT, God wants to use my inadequacy and remind me of His grace and mercy that came from the death of His Son on the cross that resulted in the resurrection and the sending of the Holy Spirit, that I have POWER in the Spirit, I have power in the name of Jesus to pray for all of these people, and even if I cannot at times pray for everyone, I wholeheartedly believe that God knows my heart and lifts up the spoken and silent prayers, the prayers that I spend 10 minutes on and the prayers that are mere glances at my prayer board or thoughts through my head during the day that are quickly forgotten.
So, be encouraged, I am inadequate, you are inadequate… BUT… in the name of Christ and by the power of the Spirit we have the power and authority to confront any issue in our lives and to pray fervently for any request that we might lift up to the Father.
