If I’m honest, this month on the race has probably been one of the hardest months. There have been times where I think I just can’t wait to get back home.
It’s challenging because we’re living in the hot desert, ministry is not what I was expecting, we had team changes, I miss the comforts of home and reality is it’s month 5.
I don’t know why I feel compelled to write what’s going on internally in my mind but I hope that by writing this blog, you’ll be encouraged to know you’re not alone in struggles you may be going through.
The ministry this month looks like this from day to day:
-Daycare
-Kids club
-Youth for Christ club at schools
-Weekly prayer meetings
-Daily prayer intercession
-Tutoring orphans
-Girls Club
-Hospital visits
If I just posted this list on the blog you’d probably think wow they must be having a great time!
Which spiritually speaking it has been great. I’ve had the opportunity to lead a man to the Lord, pray with a child who was paralyzed for life, disciple others to Jesus and more, but internally my heart is broken.
I wish I could say that I’m finding pure joy all the time but that’d be a lie. I wish I could say the “joy of the Lord is my strength” but it’s not that easy.
There are days when I don’t feel like waking up and walking miles to ministry in the hot sun. I despise the feeling of being tired and drinking four cups of coffee throughout the day just to stay awake because of it. There are days when I don’t want to chose to be present and do everything with my team.
Sometimes I just want time away, be independent and do something on my own.
Sometimes I want to just walk to Target and get a cute outfit like I used to.
Sometimes I just want to wear make up, straighten my hair and go out to eat at a fancy restaurant.
Sometimes I just want to go get coffee at Starbucks or go for a walk with my dad.
Sometimes I just want to hang out with my friends from home.
Sometimes I just want to go back to practice with the worship team and serving in the local church.
Sometimes I miss teaching my fourth graders and always receiving words of affirmation from them and experiencing the joy they bring.
God why?
Why, are you putting me in such a dry season? Why do I not feel encouraged, empowered or like I’m even making a difference? I know people are praying for me everywhere but this is way harder than I ever thought it would be.
These thoughts swirled in my head today as I was walking back from the ministry office.
I was fighting back tears behind my sunglasses and I just wanted to give up and go home.
In that moment I felt someone tap me on the back. I stopped and turned around.
Behind me was a little girl dressed in a green and yellow school uniform. Around her was a bunch of her school friends.
She held a white piece of paper out towards me and said “you dropped this.”
I knew what that paper was. It was a bible verse I had wrote this morning to keep in my pocket so that I could learn and meditate on it throughout the day.
Sometimes this month it’s that verse in my pocket that is the only thing that gets me through.
So there I was looking at a little girl holding on to my paper and wanting to give it back to me.
How could I take the verse back? I thought. Maybe there was a reason that verse fell out of my pocket.
Maybe that verse was meant for her rather than me…
I asked her if she knew what it read and she shook her head no.
As I read the verse to the girl and her friends, the little girl moved her finger across each word on the paper and the kids repeated it back.
It was 2 Corinthians 9:10:14 (check it out!)
“You can keep it and remember Jesus loves you.” As I said this the girl smiled and was full of joy.
We parted ways but I turned back to see the kids walking home in a distance and the little girl was reading over the paper.
This is why I’m here, I thought.
Even if days are not easy and I’m not finding joy in everything, Jesus is still good. He’s the reason why I came. He doesn’t call me to be comfortable, He calls me to be committed.
Committed to Him and the calling He has on my life right now.
Jesus and leading others to Him is what motivates me to keep going.
Are you going through a dry season right now in your life?
If so, where do you find help?
Jesus is an ever present help in time of need…run to Him, He will never fail and no matter what He is still good.
