Last night I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. I didn’t want to do this but I had to. Shaking and in tears, I opened up a letter. A letter I probably shouldn’t have opened until month 6 or so, but I did anyways.
To be honest although this journey seems rad and all, I daily ask myself how in the WORLD did I get here? I’m in Kosovo doing ministry daily and living in community constantly. It’s all a new exciting/overwhelming experience, and I’m learning more than I could ever imagine.
For example, maybe you can relate. You know how people ask “how are you” and you just say the typical “I’m good,” but in reality there is more depth to the “good” answer that you respond. Imagine if someone asked how’s your soul? The response you would give would probably be a lot different.
When we respond with “good,” it’s really like “I’m just clinging on to something to get me through.” To be totally honest, I’ve had people assume that I’ve been a Christian all my life and because they think I’m “religious” I don’t have flaws or struggle, but I do. Reality is, I came to Jesus when I was 18 years old and yes my life drastically changed, but I still fall. The race has already taught me that it’s okay to mess up and be broken.
I’m an extrovert and love being with people to the extreme, but I’ve realized the deepest desire of my soul needs refreshed. Community living with a lot of people is great but it has become busy and draining at times. With various personalities and emotions, it’s like riding on a roller coaster that never ends. The fact of being in a new place, meeting new people and being busy all the time is enough to break me down. I realized I need an out. I need a way to make time to seek Jesus. It wasn’t until I was singing in the rain this morning that the Lord gave me a word. It was the same word that I read in the letter last night.
“Sing to the Lord, all the earth; proclaim His salvation day after day!”
1 Chronicles 16:23
This was the one and only verse my sister Tiffany wrote in the letter. The Lord knew that her writing this would be the EXACT thing I needed to hear. Singing is where I have always felt free. Free to be me and free to express my love for Jesus. Worship through singing gives me an out. I’ve cried out in desperation, smiled so big that my face hurts and raised my hands in worship so many times that refreshes my soul. It’s a partnership with Heaven to give glory to the one who deserves it. Worship though, is more than a song it’s a lifestyle.
Worship is more than a song, it’s a lifestyle.
“Already?” You think. Already she is crying out to the Lord and needs an out at times? She’s only been on the race for two weeks! I know, crazy right? Last night though, as I was reading my sister’s letter in tears, my best friend Kellie called me.
Kellie was the one that wrote out a check to start this journey for me to go on the World Race. In tears, Kellie and I caught up and right after I had talked with her a donation came through on my phone that said COMPLETION.
Completion. Her generosity helped me officially reach my last fundraising goal. As I sat in my mess, I realized the one thing I can do is ALWAYS rejoice in song. No matter the situation. I will never have it all together because I am a fallen sinner, but I have a new life in Jesus and I know that I can ALWAYS find my rest and freedom in Him. So today as it poured down rain for the first time in Kosovo since we’ve been here, I found myself singing in the rain. Why? Because despite the circumstances, Jesus’ goodness and salvation is worthy to proclaim day after day.
