8 years ago, I made a decision that drastically changed the steps of my life.
A decision that I had the opportunity to say “yes” to several times, but vetoed over and over again. There was no doubt that it was visibly seen that my actions and attitude spoke a “no.”
I was 16, and I didn’t really care that I was ignoring someone who recklessly loved and pursued after me.
Until one day I realized the reality of this love.
Flashback to when this realization happened. I was 18 and it was my freshman year of college. I met this girl named Kali who became my very best friend. She had this joy I couldn’t fully understand, but I yearned for. She had a spirit of freedom and it seemed as though no matter what was happening in her life, she had an anchor to rest upon. Specifically, I remember watching her handle the struggle of her dad battling cancer.
Before that and during that whole time she ran to Jesus. He was her refuge. When I heard her pray, it sparked curiosity in my mind of who this Jesus was. Her prayers were never scripted or professional, they were real, raw, and authentic cries to the Lord.
During Christmas vacation that year, Kali invited me to a young adults gathering at her church. I was hesitant about going. I went to church on Sunday’s but really, I ignored any conviction I felt in my heart from God for so long. I didn’t want to change the way I was living, and I for sure didn’t want to be pushed to make Jesus the Lord over my life.
But, because she was one of my closest friends, and she told me about that there would be cute boys there, I was in.
The moment we stepped foot into the church, I had a feeling something was different. I met a few of her close friends, and automatically felt welcomed even in my not so modest apparel and baggage of sin I was carrying in.
The service started with some songs that I never heard before. I attempted to sing along as I looked at the lyrics on the screen in the front of the auditorium. There was one song though, that captivated my heart.
“You won’t relent,” was a song I never heard before but thought the beat was cool. As the song was playing, I looked around the church and saw people my age singing, raising their hands of praise, and crying their hearts out to God.
That’s when tears rolled down my face and I thought, what the heck is wrong with me?
I’ve went to church all my life and heard the story of Jesus, God, and Holy Spirit but it all didn’t sink in until that moment. That was the moment I realized Jesus wasn’t going to relent until He had all my life.
That some 2000+ years ago Jesus the son of God, left his throne in Heaven to pursue after someone like me.
Why did He do that?
Because ever since the beginning of man’s sin in the Garden of Eden, sin separated mankind’s perfect personal relationship with God. God loved His creation of mankind SO much that He sent His only son to die on a cross to defeat sin.
In that moment I realized it was me who should have hung on that cross to die for my own sin.
But Jesus took my place because He loves me. For so long He was pursuing after a personal relationship with me and I was saying “no,” until this moment.
No to someone who DIED for ME?
Do you all realize the weight of that?
Without Jesus I am guilty for my sin against a Holy and Righteous God BUT with Jesus conquering sin on the cross and raising again to signify defeat of that sin; I am RIGHTEOUS and REDEEMED in God’s eyes.
It should have been me, but it wasn’t, it was Him.
During that song, something in my heart switched from listening to the beat of the music to listening to the lyrics.
As I listened, I realized He wasn’t going to stop pursuing my heart and life until He had all my life.
It was like Jesus was asking me out not on a date for one time, but calling me out on a lifelong journey with Him.
It was scary, and I so tried to resist the burning of my heart from the Holy Spirit to change my ways. Until I heard the lyrics “You won’t relent until you have it all” for the last time in the song.
I was broken and needed direction, needed a Savior for my sin, needed joy, needed a hope for living, needed a refuge I could run to any time, needed a reason of living and by NO means out of any pressure but out of pure desire, I asked Jesus to come into my life.
Nothing crazy happening outwardly except tears BUT inwardly I felt a peace that surpassed my understanding.
Literally meaning I couldn’t fully comprehend the feeling, but the knowing was real. Knowing that no matter what, Jesus would be with me in life. That together through the thick and thin, He would be constant and with me.
A knowing that it would not be a one time fling, but a lifelong commitment to Jesus.
I was a realization that tangibly from the outside, I couldn’t see Jesus, but inwardly I knew in my spirit He was there. That He would lead and guide me in the ways I should go in life, to impact the world with His gospel.
And I’ll tell ya what, that was the best decision I ever made in my life. I still don’t understand why someone would do what He did for me, but I know He did out of love for me, and He did the same for you.
I never want to weight of His story to wear off in my life. I want to see others experience the freedom and joy found in Jesus that I have. But truly it’s a decision that you have to make for yourself that will change your life forever.
Jesus asked me out on a lifelong journey with Him.
It was by far the best decision I have and will ever make.
Jesus is pursuing you with deep everlasting love, will you accept his invitation?
