If you are like me every now and again you STOP. and ask. What am I doing?
I have freak out moments. The kind that feels like a dumb-bell just dropped in your stomach. Am I just wasting all my time in some scam, delusion, Christian balderdash?
Fear of failure asks:
Am I off course?
Have I limited the definition of success and significance by those beside and ahead of me?
At 27 did I already miss the train of my potential and settled in lazy-boys of complacency?
Thoughts get all mixed like a Long Island Ice Tea. Producing effects of poor judgment, numbness, and eccentricity.
If I only had some answers. Some facts. Some evidence.
Disillusion creeps in and shoves way for Lies to occupy the mic.
I hear:
“Make money instead of requesting it.”
“Stop waiting for the One and make due with anyone.”
“Forget the pains of the world and embrace ignorance.”
It is a blast of cold Minnesota winter across my face.
Stung and undone, hopeless and displaced, I am tempted into mistake.
But I only let the dark cloak soak for a moment.
Over the years I have vigilantly learned to discern.
My wits are back.
How dare you enter my temple, you vile putrid snake. You have no authority to take.
Truth’s enunciation rehabilitates my mind and resuscitates my heart.
If I had a nickel for every time Lie whispered his voice I wouldn’t have to raise support.
Recollections regenerate.
Orphans loved. Slaves freed. Sick healed. Not bad, maybe my time is legit.
True things, but everyday isn’t always a supporting evidence sermon story.
There are Texan droughts. Late bus disappointments. And true grit testing.
I have learned to be ok. To even smile at opposition’s frown.
There is a beauty at work in the ugly caterpillar states.
After all even Jesus came into this world slimy, naked, and sucking his thumb.
Peace swells up knowing that even God took baby steps.
It hits me like freshly baked brownies.
I know what I am doing.
Following footprints.
Footsteps simple, creative, bold, divine.
Imprints left in crashing waves, the Milky Way, and the one who saves.
I know what I am doing.
A consecrated odyssey.
Walking, discovering, and following Faith’s pulsation into Purpose’s respiration.
