For me, the hard part about fundraising is the part where I actually have to ask for money. It’s the part that makes me the most nervous. Well that, and the part where I have to raise a lot of money.
So why is this so difficult for me? Shouldn’t it be as easy as trusting that God will provide for me? He wants me to go on this mission trip, my last blog post shows plenty of evidence of that. So what’s my hold up? Why is it so hard?
I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. And constantly chattering to God about how overwhelmed I’ve been feeling. And there are times where God sends his peace and tells me that I will be fine and to trust Him. But then my minds starts going and about 10 minutes later I’m back to thinking about this money thing. Then the realization came to me: Is it my pride that’s getting in the way?
Pride? Ooh, now there’s something I would rather not admit to anyone, let alone myself. It’s such an ugly thing. But really, I think that’s my biggest obstacle. Why? Because I would rather raise all the money myself! Hard work, right? It feels so rewarding to be able to work and do it all yourself. To not have to put myself out there and actually ask for help. But God’s got a different plan, because there’s no way I could raise the money simply by working (even if I worked all the time!). He’s forcing me out there, making me ask, telling me to trust Him and watch His people come into action.
Of course that doesn’t mean that I’m going to just sit back all summer drinking iced tea and enjoying the sunshine. Because that’s not what God wants either. A while back I was looking into job options. Right now I’m working part time at a store called Town and Country. It’s not much… only about 2 days a week with the occasional fill in day for a coworker. So I really wanted to try and find a full time job, or maybe another part time job, maybe even both. While contemplating what to do (and about a week after I was accepted into the 11C11M program), my boss at Town and Country came up to me and asked me if I would like to go full time! So now at the end of June, I will be working full time. I also have some odd jobs here and there, like mowing my neighbor’s lawn or the occasional pet sitting job. So I will be keeping busy, but I know it’s only because God has given me those opportunities.
God knows that I’m stressed about it. He knows that this whole process is pretty overwhelming. But He’s been talking to me. He’s telling me that while I can’t do it, He can do it.
You know the saying, “God doesn’t give you what you can’t handle”? Well, that’s completely wrong. I’ve found that God gives people a lot of things that they can’t handle. Why? Because through that, they learn to trust and depend on God. Because unlike us, God can do anything. And with His help, I can do anything. God’s been telling me that a lot lately. In the past two weeks, he’s allowed this verse to appear three separate times:
“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” -Phillipians 4:13
As if that weren’t enough, I decided to pick up a book that I had started reading about a year ago. Originally, the book was supposed to be a bible study with my best friend. We only made it through one chapter before our busy schedules and distance got the best of us. The book has been sitting by my bedside gathering dust. A couple of days ago I got a strong urge to pick it up and read through the next chapter. At the close of the chapter, a quote popped up that applied to my thoughts about how I believe God is using fundraising to impact my faith:
“Don’t look for God to fill in all the blanks. Don’t wait for Him to remove all the uncertainty. Realize He may actually increase the uncertainty and leverage all the odds against you, just so you will know in the end that it wasn’t your gifts but His power through your gifts that fulfilled His purpose in your life.”
-Erwin McManus
Given what God’s been telling me, I think it’s pretty safe to say that He’s got this whole money thing in hand.
“Set your eyes on things above,
standing firm in truth and love,
walk the path that’s not so wide,
getting closer with each stride.”
-Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained by Sleepy Eyed Fox
