I think I’m learning a little more every day that we aren’t supposed to have it all figured out. The Lord just asks for our yes and then we walk with Him in it. He gives us promises, dreams, and desires. But I’m slowly learning that maybe that’s not the gift.
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So far on the race, the Lord has made me promise after promise showing me how this race is so much bigger than just a nine-month trip. While that has never been more true I think it all caught up to me, let me explain…
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Last week the Lord started asking me the hard questions, impossible questions if I’m honest.
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“If I wreck your plans are you okay with that?”
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I don’t like that question. How am I supposed to answer that! I’m in month 6 going into my last country, I should have like some idea of what to do next right? I mean it seems a little irresponsible to just go through life without a plan.
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“Nathan I want your yes. I want you to live a radical life, is that okay? You may not be comfortable but how worth it am I?”
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Alright, you have my yes Lord. You have my wants and desires.
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Thursday we had baptisms. I got baptized as a proclamation that I don’t make my plans anymore. My life’s not my own. I live radically every day and if the Lord wants me to nothing but talk to one person all day then you’ll find me talking to that person. I live without rights and a yes in my spirit.
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I’m finding more and more that maybe the promises aren’t the gift but rather the life the giver gives. Maybe the fact that I no longer live but Christ lives in me is the gift. Maybe eternal life (knowing the father) is the ultimate gift. That’s some perspective! Now when He wrecks my plans it’s no longer a disaster because I’m His and He’s mine no matter where I go. Maybe my life is a gift and He’s just kind enough to show me where to go next.
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I’m still learning obedience. It’s simultaneously the simplest and hardest thing you’ll ever do. But every day I get to learn just a bit more of what He thinks of me. I get to learn a little more about what’s next. And my yes becomes less of a burden and more of an honor every day.
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“Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?” (Matt. 16:24-26 MSG)
