If you’ve ever read a lonely planet travel guide you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say that they have a writing style. Sometimes it reads like the adult version of Reading Rainbow’s, “but don’t take my word for it!� I’m going to try to replicate that model through my experiences in Cambodia on this blog.
Crossing the street in Phenom Penh is like a glorified game of frogger only the stakes are higher cause you can’t hit the reset button. There is no order here, where driving anarchy is life, and vespas rule the street. The key is to never stop moving. Look both ways? Scratch that. Its almost better to close your eyes.
Watch out for Tuk tuk drivers. They are relentless. “Hello! Yes! Tuk tuk. Where you go? I take you now. Ok tomorrow. When you go? I drive. Angkor Wat? We go there now. Hello?!�
If tuk tuk’s drives around the block aren’t your thing, the next best thing is their arsenal of drugs. After resisting the line of pushy tuk tuk drivers, make your way down Pub Street in Siemp Reap. If you are lucky enough those same drivers will come up and whisper sweet nothings in your ear to the tune of, “Marijuana? Opium? Cocaine?� Your best bet is to ignore the creepers and keep walking. However, if you are feeling lively my favorite response to this not so sly whisper is to loudly yell back for all to hear. “Oh you have drugs! You sell drugs! Oh ok. Hey guys if any of you want to buy drugs from this guy he is a drug dealer so go to him ok!� They generally don’t care for this, but I find their reaction well worth it, with rare second time offenders harassing me to buy drugs.
Some of you may feel more like Anthony Bordaine from the Travel Channel. Others may lean more toward Stevo from Jackass. The former involves travelling the world with a little culture under your belt sampling the best of local cuisines. The later involves eating anything while trying to throw up on your friend next to you. I’m still searching for the balance.
On that note, nothing compliments the perfect tarantula like some snake wine and a cigar. Let me try to paint you a picture. Find an eating partner; a set of speakers to play System of a Down; one teriyaki flavored black tarantula to split in two; and one 6 ounce bottle of snake wine to wash it down. What is snake wine you ask? Good question. Snake wine is whiskey with a cobra inside the bottle. Lastly, find one King Edwards cigar that tastes like old Englishmen socks and you have a complete set for a tasting masterpiece.
Don’t forget to pack an anti-diarrheal or two as it will come in handy after the above mentioned combination of delicacies.
Next hit up the markets, where Tin Tin shirts rule the storefronts, and you’re bound to get your favorite boxset of BBC’s life included for $8 USD. Oh but wait I forgot. “Ok, Ok, I give special discount for you! $6 USD!� Be sure to use your special discount everywhere you go and save those $2 USD for some spicy tom yum soup.
Finally, you might as well try to use your special discount in a newly Macco painted tuk tuk and swing a ride to Angkor Wat for the morning sunrise.
At least, that’s what I did while I was in Cambodia.
