you care
about something more than
God does.”
I stumbled upon this quote a few months ago and was
literally stopped in my tracks.
Not only was it one of the best quotes I had ever heard – it
literally summed up this past season of my life.
I was wrestling with a lot of things but the main thing was
my future plans.
I wanted control of
them.
Now, I wouldn’t have said that out loud but in the way I was
living – essentially that was true.
My heart was becoming set on things and I was going to make
sure they were going to happen.
Thank Jesus; He
stopped me in my tracks.
He is freeing me from the spirits
of Control and Fear.
For about two month’s there was a lot up in the air in
relation to what role I would play in another World Race and even whether I would go back out at all.
During this time God spoke to me strongly at two different worship
services.
“Take it Father! Take it Father! Break me free from control.
Break me free from living in fear!”
Near the end of that season of my life, I found myself
crying this out during worship. I had finally grown tired of worrying and
walking in fear.
And it was finally revealed to me what God wanted to teach
me through all this.
I cannot live by my plans. I must
live by His voice.
A few weeks later, I was at another worship service.
And God says to me:
“If you are ever going
to be all you’re destined to be – not only must
your pride be broken down. But I want your WILL too.
This chorus was repeating over
and over again, “Arms wide – my life Lord
to you surrendered. To the one who gave it all. My heart –to you Abandoned! All
I am is yours!”
And so I cried out,
“Yes Lord! Take my will! Make me a truly
humble and repentant vessel. One that is fully sold out. Driven by love and
service. Lead me to the path of brokenness. Take my will!!!”
Here is the core of it all:
I can trust God with my
hearts desires.
The spirits of Control
and Fear that I was giving into were
actually the result of not truly TRUSTING
God.
Remember the quote from the beginning: “Fear is believing that
we care about something more than God does.”
Practically, I believed that I cared more about my hearts
desires coming true then God does. And
so I began to take control to make sure they would come true.
But that is a lie directly from the evil one!
Of course God cares my hearts desires then I do. More about
my prayers coming true then I do. More about my finances then I do. More about
my life then I do!
The last two months He has been giving me a daily tutorial
in how to live by His voice. It’s tough but I know it’s the only way to live.
And I know He used this whole application process for the
Race and all this turmoil in my life to teach me at least one thing:
I can trust Him with all my hearts desires.
And if they are ever going to come true:
It will be because I’m
living by His voice in all I do.
And not my plans.
And so when
God said to me a month ago (in relation to the Race):
“Is it about the Kingdom or you? Go my Beloved”
I knew no
matter what had happened or is happening in my life:
The decision had been made.
****************************
(If you would like to support me in this upcoming adventure – Please
click here: Support Me. I need to raise 13,800 for the year!)
