Okay, just so you know, this blog you are about to read is probaly the most intimate and revealing blog I have done all year. I’m sharing with you a journal entry that reveals some of the biggest strongholds in my life and what Jesus has taught me about them.
I mean, the things that I am now learning about have been a major part of my life and personality since I was a small child.
And I agree with my Dad when he said (after I had shared) that what I am about to share with you might be my biggest takeaway of the year.
I want to be as humble and open with all you guys as possible and I need your prayers…….
So, here it is.
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This complete transformation. Breaking of deep strongholds in my life. Having people I love reveal ugly things about myself. (Things that are actually hindering our friendship.) All this is harder then I could ever journal or describe.
My whole life feels like its being ripped apart or uprooted. And it’s all for my good I know. Its the transformation of my life I’ve always wanted and prayed for. But it’s still hard. It’s breaking.
It’s the death I need for True Life.
Here are the things I’m dealing with:
*My right to be right.
*My right to be heard.
*My right to be understood.
*And the fact that many times in my life I have been “dead right”.(That is, I might have been right about something but right at the expense of others. Therefore “dead right”)
And as I have thought back to the situations that brought these revelations about I realized something. If I would have been thinking with an “others mindset” I would have never made the comments I made. I would have been striving so much to put myself in their position and thinking about how I could serve them that I would not have said anything.
So that’s the beginning of the revelation. As my mind and heart transforms from self-centered to others centered – I will give up my right to say something because I’ll be focused on blessing and serving the person I’m talking to.
Thinking of others will be a huge way that I fight these strongholds in my life.
Today that revelation increased even more. I’m starting to look at the reason behind giving my opinion or wisdom. And then measuring that up to the Kingdom values of Love and Service.
The foundations of the Kingdom.
What’s the point of an opinion or sharing insight with someone if the main goal isn’t to bless and serve the hearer? I’m pretty much just sharing it just to be hear myself talk, get people to think better of me or to add to my own validation. Not good reasons to share. And unfortunately those reasons have played a role in a lot of things I’ve shared.
It needs to be a complete mindset change – to wanting to bless, edify and serve the person I’m talking to. And as I start to do that it will help filter a lot of what I say.
My right to say my piece.
My desire to be right.
Wanting my voice heard.
These will start to fade away because what I say is not about me but the people I’m talking to. So simple yet so true!
Its not about me. Not even what I say.
The danger of my life is that I will be a gifted, passionate person doing a lot for the Kingdom but not being known for my selfless love or a servant’s heart.
I flashed back to what my closest friends from college said about me. Things like: passionate, gifted, really loves Jesus, know the Word, etc……
But not selfless lover or servant.
The foundations of the Kingdom!
So the scariest thing is that I could end my with the same assesment as at the end of college. At the end of my life people might talk about how prophetic I was or my preaching ability but not mention Selfless Love or Service.
And so I Corinthians 13 came alive to me. Anyone that uses giftings that are not based on love, Have Nothing, Am Nothing, Will Mean Nothing. And that’s the danger I am facing.
Something has to change!
Futhermore, I realized serving is not about being a janitor or doing service type activities.
Its about using the gifts God has given me to love and serve others. So how I use my words to serve others is especially important for me because of my giftings of communication and preaching.
And so I ask you to pray for me.
And to join in the prayer I wrote in my journal at the end of this entry.
Jesus, I know more then anything that is has to be something you desire badly to be in my life. It’s just hard for me. So I release control to you. Admit, I can’t do it. Ask you to move. Ask you to show me how to be a son. Ask the Holy Spirit to move powerfully in this part of my life. Take me deep into sonship, Father! I want all I am: identity, giftings, life to be found in you.
