Warning: This may be scattered. Kind of how my life is right now. I have a lot to say and its kind of intimidating trying to write it all down. I decided its better to get some of it down rather than nothing…
I am ready to be changed. As I enter this new season of my life I have no idea what to expect. It has been weird and I haven't fully wrapped my brain around it yet. I know what I will be doing but I have no idea what it will look like. I think the reason I have been putting off starting this blog has been that once I start this blog and start preparing for the World Race it will become real. It will become something that I AM doing and not something that I have been thinking about doing. I have so many thoughts running through my head and it has been hard to process them and get them down so I have just left them up there running around.
Is it wrong to say I'm scared? I'm scared. I'm scared that I will not have anything to offer, that I am not in the place I need to be, I'm scared of stepping on peoples toes. I constantly compare myself to others. I'm scared about being away, I'm scared of traveling, of being replaced. I'm scared because I don't know what my relationships will look like there and when I get back. Whether true or not these are all things I have thought about when thinking about the World Race. But my fear I have experienced is not crippling because I am established in Christ! My fears are shallow and when I step back and look at them I realize that they lies from the enemy and nothing more. They hold no clout in my life. I have the God of the universe residing in me, he is strong, and through my weakness he can be exalted. I can be bold in Christ, his spirit is living within me, and his spirit is strong. I know that apart from him I have nothing to offer. If I try to do the World Race on my own strength I will quickly fall on my face. The only thing I have going for me is that I know Christ. I can be confident that as he pours into me I will be able to pour out into the the people I come in contact with. He will give me strength and direction if I seek after him. If I am following in the direction he is leading then I have nothing to fear. When first considering the World Race I was reminded of this verse: II Timothy 1:7 – For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Last weekend I had the chance to participate in Work Week at my favorite YoungLife camp Windy Gap. The speaker for the week was John Woods from Northern Ireland. One of his talks he talked about running your race. He said that the word race comes from the same word that gives us the word agony. He said that as we are running our race it is a long process you must have perseverance to make it through. It is not going to be easy but through this, specifically the World Race, I will grow, learn about myself and God, and be able to see him working in me and through me.
It blew me away to see all the work that went on to make the camp perfect for the high school students that will be there for summer camp. There were 270 people doing hard jobs that will probably go unnoticed by the people going through the camp, and doing them gladly without complaining. They were doing jobs like painting, sanding rocking chairs, building decks, building a retention wall, dusting, power washing, washing horses, cutting down trees, trail work, digging irrigation ditches, as well as countless others. These are jobs that are for the most part over looked. If they were not done you would be able to tell but when they are done well they, for the most part, go unnoticed. Everyone was able to do their jobs with joy because they were not working for their own glory but for the glory of God. In the same way if I am working to glorify myself in the World Race I will be quickly overwhelmed, but if I am doing it to bring glory to God I will be able to do tough jobs that may go unnoticed but I will know that he is receiving glory and I will be able to find joy through him.
With all that said I feel like I have started to sort through my thoughts. This is by no means all that has been going on. I am excited to see how the Lord continues to provide for my needs and continue to open doors for me. In him is my confidence and in him I know my hope can be found.
If you wouldn't mind praying for me, these are some things I would like prayer for:
- Being in touch with the Lord and being able to be confident in where he is leading
- That I would be able to process what the Lord is teaching me
- Starting my job tomorrow (that I will be able to be comfortable and settle in quickly)
- Getting organized and have a sense of urgency with support raising
- I want to be more prayerful and intentional in my prayers
- That I will be able to enjoy my summer, but also be productive (balance)
Big Gulps? Welp see ya
