Again, I wanted to share with you what has been laid on my heart by the Lord and why He has called me on this specific path, of the World Race. God has led me through a significant process of discernment over the last few years and desires me to share my story with you all. He has been continual transforming me and renewing my soul; chiseling away at my heart so that my will lays down and yields to His! The great Stone mason is always moving to use us how He sees fit; for his vision, for the finished masterpiece is far more beautiful than we can fathom! We just need to let the Artisan work throughout our lives! This photo in the a stone quarry near Nazareth reminds me of this.
Many times I have shied away from the small strikes of His hammer and chisel as He worked on my being. Many times I have felt the Spirit of God convict me, but I didn’t act in faith. As God gently pulled me closer and the more He immersed me into His living Word, my desire grew to follow in Christ’s footsteps! As a result of this intense passion welling up inside me, I said Yes to God’s will. I chose to follow as sheep on the path of our Shepherd rather than waning to and fro, from path to path as the goats do. The following scriptures are how God spoke into my life.
For the longest time God asked me, “Who AM I?”
“Who do you say I AM?” … … … ..KNOW ME!!!
He wanted me to know Him in a intimate way I had not known before. God wanted me to go deeper. So I began to pursue the characteristics of Jesus and what He exemplified as he walked this earth. Characteristics such as: love, humbleness, strong-willed, loyal, compassionate, discipline, dedication, compassion, selflessness, radical, servant leader, kingdom bringer, passionate, Heaven-focused, just to list a few. On my journey in Israel I was challenged to walk as Jesus walked, and eventually in the days to come God began to convict me in the hardest of ways!
The Parable of The Sower was one of these convicting messages. It’s a story that I had known since I was a boy in Sunday school, but as I grew in my relationship with the Lord, he began to open my eyes! As I read the parable God ever so gently asked,
“What does my Kingdom look like in your life? Are you are bearer of fruit? Where has your seed fallen? Are you truly Living Shema as you recite to me each day?”
As God flooded my heart with these questions I frantically began to answer them the best I could, but my answers came out in an almost defensive manner. “God, I am a student of your word, I try my best to think of you daily and have your will on my mind. If someone asks about my faith, I am always more than willing to share about your great love. Yes, I sin far to often, but I come back every time. Again, God pursued my heart to a deeper level with those exact same questions: Are you a bearer of fruit; where has your seed fallen?
As God pursued me with those simple yet overpowering questions, I began to feel hurt by them. God exposed me as He had done to Adam & Eve in the garden. He desires my all, my everything and I was holding back. Why?
I probed deeper, but again fell back into the distractions of life. So God hit me with another passage.
The Parable of The Rich Young Man. Just another story I knew from childhood, and had overlooked it’s meaning until I sat back down with God and communed with Him at a youth group all-nighter. The rich young man had keep all the laws of Torah, but lacked one thing. Jesus said to him in Matthew 19
“Go, sell your possessions & give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven, Then come follow me!”
BOOM! Again, my heart was wrecked hard! God had rocked the foundations of my life & life’s culture. He asked me, “When will you risk it all for Me?” Are you willing to be counter cultural for Me?” I have come to give you life, and to have it to the fullest! Why do you still cling to what is of this world?”
Wow… how could I still be so resistant to God and His call on my life? What am I clinging to and not entrusting to the Lord?
My friendships, my comforts of home, my possessions, my desires of the flesh, my hobbies, my career, my security in money. My dreams of a family, a house, and a Supra to wrench on.
All these things I am afraid I will lose, or that some will not come to pass if I go where God is leading. I am fearful I will lose these all, so I have clung to them. Taking and making all of these the center of my heart, rather than being God centered. I have felt as though I am at the edge of a cliff, hanging on by just my finger tips, vowing to never let go of these things as God says “Let go!” What are you crazy, God? Jump to where? I’ll Fall!
But as God spoke through these scriptures, the reality of it all came into view and I wasn’t clinging to the edge of a cliff anymore about to fall to my death. Rather, I was in the depths of the sea fading deeper and deeper into the fathoms, drowning in all these things. God was reaching down as He stood on the waters; the rays of His brilliant captivating light penetrating through the darkness as He grabbed me tightly by hand. Then pulling me toward the surface he led me to my first true breathe of freedom that was surrendering all I had left to Him!
God has wanted my everything and He has been saying I still had more to give Him, to trust Him with. This Race, this step into my calling to serve as a missionary is the step I am taking to give God absolutely every ounce of my life! Giving him my M’odekha! [Hebrew for EVERYTHING]
On this Thanksgiving I am reminded and thankful for Christ’s conviction in my life!
Please pray for me to continually give up everything for the will of our Lord.
Love you all 
