So this is the first of probably two or three training camp blogs. This first one is taken from a few of my journal entries from the first couple of days. It is important to note that the night before the first journal entry, I was moved from B squad to C squad. When it happened, I wasn’t too thrilled about it. I pretty much cried myself to sleep, and I didn’t sleep all that well. Sorry C squad. I don’t feel like this anymore!!
October 13, 2013
First full day of TC. Already a lot of stuff is changing. I’m not on B squad any more, I had my name drawn for C-squad. Even though it sucks, I know it’s right. During worship last night, I just didn’t feel like I belonged. Afterwords, during our our squad meeting, they asked us to consider switching. Rakeem asked me “Hey man, what are you thinking?” I said, “Part of me wants to switch, but I don’t want to leave.” Then my name was called, and I bawled my eyes out. B squad is – was, family, and even with C squads support, , I’m finding it difficult to think of them as family. Theyre just a group of people I was thrown into and told “good luck”
Supplimental:
I still don’t get it. I feel so empty and lost. I’ve been removed from my family against my will. I try to be positive, and bond with my new team, but its hard. I really owe it to Tara (who has been dubbed Tru-pac) and Cody. They’ve really been trying to help me feel like I’m one of the squad.
I feel so alone and empty. I see B-Squad laughing and fellowshipping and it breaks my heart my throat gets tight. God has brought me to the edge of my comfort zone, held me out over the edge, and dropped me off. I just hope he’s got a rope holding me from the bottom.
What do I do LORD? Do I try to switch back to B squad? Do I not continue with the Race? I know you have said “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.” I am at my breaking point.
October 14, 2013
No gear last night. I slept in a tent and had a hammock as a blanket. But C squad is starting to feel a little bit like a squad, and les like a hodge-podge group of people. He had a camp fire last night, and a few of the guys kept it going all night so we could all be able to warm up. It really started to bring us together. The problem is, I still feel wrong. I don’t feel like this route, is where god is calling me to be. Is God’s plan for me how I am feeling right now? Or is it where I am? Big decisions are coming soon, and I don’t know what is right.
Supplimental
Dear Lord, I pray you give me strength and courage as I meet new people. Help me to know that “The issue of my acceptance was decided on the cross.”
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God is with you where ever you go.
Joshua 1:9
Not the best few days of my life. Things’ll get better in the next blog though. God does some amazing things
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