“If I give it all to You will You make it all new?”
“If I open up my hands will You fill them again?”
(If I Give It All by Will Reagan and United Pursuit)
These are the lyrics that have been rolling through my mind here lately. They’ve been bouncing around and piercing my heart.
I came back from the World Race in March of this year, two months earlier than planned due to a global panic. And it’s those two months lost that I’ve been gripping onto. I didn’t want to leave. I wasn’t ready. I felt like a precious gift that was given to me was just ripped out of my hands, and it’s been hard to wrap my mind around it. Some people may say that I’m crazy because eight months have passed since then, but it still hurts.
On the last night before we were to head home from the country we were currently in my squad gathered together and had a time of worship. It was a powerful night, a sorrowful night, and a joyous night all at the same time. It was so beautiful, and I will never forget it. One of my squad mates, who was leading worship, said something so great that it will forever me impressed upon my spirit. He began by saying that in order to go on this trip we had to open up our hands to God. We had to give Him our fears, worries, time, plans, etc… And we needed to continue to keep our hands open in this same time of unexpectedness. We needed to open our hands back up and give God our timeline. I needed to hear that so badly. It brought me to tears because I knew I had been clenching my fists wanting things to go my way when I needed to be keeping my hands freely open to the Father of Heaven who knows me best. Arriving home my hands had loosened up, yet I was still keeping them partially shut. I didn’t want to go anywhere; I just wanted to sulk and wallow in my grief. (Must I say that I stayed in my house for three months without going anywhere or doing anything.) Slowly but surely I began going places and seeing people. I got a job that literally came out of the blue for which I praise God! But I was still missing something; I was missing community. I’m still longing for a community like the one I had on the race, because it was so sweet, raw, authentic, and freeing.
Fast-forward some, I was listening to worship music and the song I posted above came on. I heard it, and my heart began to cry. I realized that those questions are the ones I had been wondering about.
“If I give it all to You will You make it all new?”
If I give all my tears, fears, thoughts, concerns, questions will You make them all new? Will You make something beautiful out of it?
“If I open up my hands will You fill them again?”
If I open my hands up to you and give you everything I’ve been gripping onto, my hurts, my pains, my anger, those two months lost, will you fill them again with beautiful and better things?
I know that God will make all things new, and He will fill my hands again. I just need to learn to keep my hands open.
If you are going on the Race, or are back from the Race and struggling with the same thing as I, or you are holding on to things that aren’t yours to grip onto know that God desires us to keep our hands open. If we open our hands then things will be able to leave them, but you will also be able to receive. If you keep your hands shut then nothing will be able to leave, but you won’t be in a position to receive new things either.
I haven’t learned the art of keeping my hands open perfectly, but that’s okay because God is still working and moving in me. I just have to freely give all of myself to Him again, and allow Him to do what He does best…make me more like Him.
