I've had the most amazing opportunity to spend the Thanksgiving holiday in NYC with my sister and some family members.
Nathan (my only bro), Brittany (my second oldest sis), and Me in Time Square!
Brittany 'pickpocketing' Nathan on the subway, haha. 🙂
It's been quite the experience.
Isn't it funny how you can be thrown into a tight space with people whom you love more than life itself
and your ugly side can come out?
I went into the Holiday with the best intentions.
To be easy going,
laid back,
mellow.
To have an attitude that portrayed the lessons that God has so generously taught me in the few short weeks that have passed.
But . . . I failed. I turned really ugly.
I kept losing patience, grasping at the frustration that was in the air,
and I didn't let the person that I know I am shine through..
And I felt so guilty about it.
Look at me, a full-time missionary, embarking on my calling but being such a horrible example of it.
Failing to display the fruits.
I was on the subway today, basking in the music of Jonathan David Hesler, and
God whispered something so subtle to me.
I don't have to be perfect.
I don't have to fill a mold of 'perfection.'
I don't have to feel so guilty.
In Him, I am forgiven.
In Him, I am found without guilt.
The beautiful thing about grace is that it is never ending. The confusion that the Pharisees had was that they thought they had to follow all these rules. That they had to fit a mold of perfection in order to find grace and forgiveness, in order to be seen as honorable in the sight of the King.
I am not a pharisee. I am a village person. I am one of the unmentionables. I am the reason that Christ came.
You are the reason that Christ came.
We don't have to be perfect.
We just have to be intentional.
I've caught myself in the midst of my frustrations and grumpiness.
Other's have caught me and called me out.
In either case, I've had to be intentional about being patient, kind, understanding.
I've had to keep reminding myself that everyone has a story, a hurt, a brokenness, that we know nothing about but that we need to respect.
It's about living an intentional life of honor. Honoring the King, and honoring His children that He has placed in our lives.
It's about recognizing that we don't have to be perfect,
just forgiven and intentional about living out a life of honor.
How beautiful is that?
Yes, I'm a missionary but I'm a normal, imperfect person who gets annoyed with crowded city streets and indecisive people. Yes, I'm a missionary but I get impatient with family members and their opinions. Yes, I'm a missionary but I'm not perfect.
I'm just trying to have a grace that mirrors my Father's and while I sometimes fall short, I am forever intentionally trying.
And that's all that He asks for.
<3tasha
