It's New Year's Eve.
Suddenly I'm being bombarded with 'happy new year's eve' text messages and mini-reminiscing through people's facebook statuses.
Funny how the start of something new does that to you.
Suddenly, you look back and recognize the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The great thing about a new year is that is comes no matter what.
The change into a 'new season' is unavoidable.
December has always been my favorite time of year. Besides the fact that it contains both my birthday and Christmas, is the final chapter. . .
and a great time for reflection.
I always use this time of year to look back on what has happened in the last 12 months,
and this year is no different.
Except that it is.
This has been the hardest,
most heart wrenching,
stressful,
and confusing year of my life.
But it has also been the most beautiful.
There have been events that have taken place that I haven't had any control over.
There has been (and still is) a constant tornado of turmoil taking place in the lives of those around me whom I care for more than anything in this world.
My family has faced struggle we never would have imagined would be left on our shoulders.
I have been in a place of despair and hopelessness.
There were moments this year when I contemplated giving up. There were moments while driving home when I would think to myself "hey, maybe if I just turn into this semi then that would be that and I wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore" . . .
I have been in the pit of utter hopelessness.
I really did have days where I didn't see the sun.
The pain that was in my heart overtook every fiber of my being.
But . . .
GOD
overcame all of that.
He took all of the struggle,
He took the multitude of the pain,
He took everything and covered it in WHO He is.
Was I saved during my hopelessness? Yes,
God was my Father but I wasn't looking towards Him.
As humans, we aren't perfect but He loves us beyond that.
And He picked me up to put me back where I was called to be.
Then, He looked at me and
said "Go."
"Go to the hurting of the world. Go to those who have felt the abandonment that you have felt. Go to those who have felt the betrayal that you have walked through. Go to those who are suffering with hopelessness. Go."
And I'm going.
Yes, 2011 has been a difficult year.
Yes, 2011 has sucked.
But, 2011 has been my year.
God allowed for me to walk through such despair to begin such a transformation in me that I didn't know I needed.
2011 has been a year of pain,
but it's also been a year of transformation,
restoration. and divine appointments.
This year, I have found myself in the closest relationships I've ever had with my siblings.
I have grown in my understanding of people.
I have made a stand to go where I am called.
I have learned what bittersweet really means.
I have matured both spiritually and emotionally.
I have learned what it means to forgive those who don't ask for forgiveness.
I have learned what it means to love thy enemy.
I have recognized the vastness of His sacrifice for us.
I have recognized what 'love' truly means.
I have realized that His timing is far more beautiful than mine.
I have allowed God to take ahold of who I am.
I have decided to "Go".
As I say bye to 2011 today, and ring in 2012 – I will be met with a wave of bittersweet reminiscing.
So, . ..
thank you 2011 for your sorrow,
you have allowed for 2012
to be my year of action.
<3tasha
