This year has been the best, and worst year of my life.
I've seen the world. I've witnessed the starvation and neglect of children around the globe. I've had first hand encounters with disease, with the poorest of the poor, with children climbing over mounds of rotting trash to try to find one morsel of sustenance. I've heard stories that shouldn't be part of a 14 year old girl's past. I've smelled the stench of death and have been forced to look into the hollow eyes of the drug-ridden.
And then I've stood by and watched as my team quickly retreated back to our humble abode for the month.
I've participated as we've spent a few minutes in shocked silence and then, in an effort to feel happy and fluffy again, abruptly changed the topic to something mundane and trivial. I've been a part of the complaining; of the whining about living conditions, of the bitter discussions about having to eat another plate of rice. I've lead discussions about how we, as Americans, are entitled to better living conditions, to freedom of choice about food, that we deserve the level of comfort we were used to.
And I've supported our silent decision, that we, as Americans, would distance ourselves from all the uncomfortable, messy stuff of the world, close our eyes, and pretend like we were back in a country that was stable and thriving.
All the while, the world outside our front door was full of the destitute with nothing to their name.
I witnessed the worst of the world and then watched as our selfish hearts proved that provision doesn't determine evil; our hearts do.
One thing that I've learned this year is that the world is really small. The human condition is the same in every country. Same condition, different culture. The underlying need to be loved, to be cared for, to be accepted. It's all the same; it just reveals itself in a different arena.
And yet, we like to keep those things so separate. We like to pretend that the world is this vast creation and that it's not interconnected. So we see the kids dying of AIDS, living in fear of being raped in the slums, and then spend the evening quoting our favorite movies and planning our first meal back in the States.
Who are we that we are able to turn a blind eye to all that is happening? Is it because it's easier? It is because we're so focused on ourselves?
Or is it because of how BIG we make this small world appear to be?
If it's BIG, then it's always going to be in a state of constant repair.
I say all that, not to condemn, but to shine light on what this year has shown me.
Even today, I've been part of the conversations counting down to salon appointments, dinner dates, cell phone terminology, and shopping agendas while I'm immersed in the culture of one of the top impoverished countries of the world.
And I don't even feel guilty about it.
Over 1,600 non-profits are started every year in an effort by individuals to make a difference in the world. EVERY YEAR. And yet, the world is still falling apart. Starvation is still a leading cause of death, disease is still taking over lives, and the basic, simple needs of survival are not being met.
A teammate made this statement:
"With all the non-profits in the world, you would think we would be making a difference. But we're not. If we all focused on ONE project, maybe something would be different. Maybe something would change."
Maybe it would.
But maybe it wouldn't.
Perhaps we're not suppose to be able to save the world.
Perhaps It's not our creation to save.
It was given to us and yet, we look around and assume full-right's over the landscapes and the animals. And, as Americans, believe that we are entitled to all of it, no matter the cost.
But – that's where we are wrong. If we could save the world, if we could fix all the problems by sewing them up with dissolvable stitches and going on our merry way, than we wouldn't need the Creator.
We wouldn't need hope.
We wouldn't need God.
This year opened my eyes; not only to the world abroad, but to America itself and our tendencies to hideaway from the messy stuff because it's easier than having to do laundry by hand all the time.
God helps us all.
<3tasha.
