Graduation is upon us, my friends. Tomorrow it will be exactly a month until I walk across the stage and bust outta this joint. To say it has been a tumultuous four years would be an understatement. There’s a lot I wouldn’t change and there’s also a lot I would.
I wouldn’t have walked outside with that beer during freshman year, because those hours of community service and weeks spent in an alcohol education class were something I never want to experience again.
I wouldn’t have stayed at my old job so long, because it made me miserable.
I would have been more present, more intentional with relationships and more kingdom-minded.
Mostly, though, I would have let Jesus back in earlier. When I came to college, I wanted nothing to do with God. I was free from the church, free from my parents (who I love dearly, sorry mom and dad), and free to do what I wanted. And what I wanted was to never hear anything about Jesus ever again.
I couldn’t tell you why I was so angry, or so eager to leave all of it in the past, but I can tell you what I felt like when I was a whole semester into college: lonely.
I had friends, I went to parties, I was in an amazing a capella group with a sisterhood for the ages, and I still went home and cried without really knowing why. It wasn’t until my roommate Jillian (seriously a gift from the Lord that I roomed with her that year) invited me to help out with YoungLife work crew weekend. I went and for the first time in a long time, I decided to hear what God had to say. I came back from that weekend feeling better than I had in a long time- but the loneliness was still prevalent. I was slowly inching towards Jesus, but not without kicking and screaming. I wanted to be in control of my life; I wanted to be selfish and reckless without feeling guilty. So for awhile I was stuck somewhere in the middle, with equal distance between Jesus and Life Without Him. I lived this for way too long, until I worked at a summer camp and finally saw what it was like to live in an authentic community that did ministry together and who pushed each other towards Jesus. It was something I had never known before and it was one of the best summers of my life. When I came back to school (this time, at VCU) though, life felt largely the same. I pushed any kind of Christian community away and shut myself off from people.
Then last summer, I applied for an internship with a church called Hill City. At the time, I thought it was just something for my resume; just something to build my portfolio. I know now that it was a God intervention- because through that internship, I found real community, a church home and my Jesus again.
So maybe throughout these last four years I would have eaten less pizza, taken more chances and gone to more classes, but what I really would have done sooner is lay down my life at the feet of Jesus, because when I did I found real purpose and joy that goes beyond circumstances.
So when I walk across that stage in a month, I’ll remember what it took to get me there. Thanks, mom and dad- and thank you, Lord.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20
