Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Phillipians 4:11-13
Ah, yes. Philippians 4:13. A verse commonly seen on coffee mugs or wall art sold at Bed, Bath and Beyond. What a nice thought. I can do all things through him.
To me, though, this passage is only so wonderful because of the preceding verses: Paul is saying that in whatever situation, whatever season of life he’s in, if he’s in grief or joy, wealth or poverty, one thing is the secret: the love of Jesus. Isolating verse 13 is, to me, like eating the icing and leaving the cupcake (which sounds hella disappointing to me, but if you’re into that kind of thing then we have other issues).
This year has been one of abundance and need, joy and grief, good days and bad days and all the days in between. Honestly, it was hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. You can’t get in your car and leave. You can’t ignore an issue with a teammate, go home to your apartment and wait until you’re not mad anymore and never talk about it again. You have to talk things out and resolve things because you’re quite literally with each other 24/7.
As someone who avoids conflict like the plague, this was HARD. I’m still learning how to navigate this. Conflict goes against every fiber in my being. I like brushing things under the rug. As it turns out, though, that rug hides a lot of anger. Womp. Never thought I had an issue with anger, but here we are. Still being convicted in month 11! Reflection is fun!
We’ve lived and worked with people all over the spectrum: people who rely on other’s donations to survive and take care of their families because they couldn’t legally work, people who are doing pretty well for themselves, people who have next to nothing and people who have more than enough.
We’ve had months where rest was abundant and months where the work was grueling. My heart has broken for people and pieced back together, over and over and over. But I learned. In every situation, I can be content. Because I know Jesus. Because he lends me his strength.
I’ve found that the days that were hardest, where I literally had nothing left to give and had to depend on Jesus to pull me through, those were the most fruitful. It’s better to be weak- because then you can see just how strong he is.
I’ve had a lot of gain this year. I’ve stepped into new identities, learned new skills, loved so many new people and done a lot of work. But, without a doubt, the biggest gain I’ve had is a closer relationship with the Father. I know how He sees me. When Jesus was baptized, God said, “this is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” This was before any of Jesus’ ministry- before any of the miracles or teachings. He called him beloved because Jesus knew God on a deep and personal level. And he delights in me the same way.
He calls me ‘beloved’ not because I evangelized in Africa, or taught Rohinga refugees English, or bottle-fed baby orphans. I am beloved simply because I exist. By me being the Natalie who loves adventure movies, who cries when animals are just in front of me, existing, who hears His voice in music and who loves to make people laugh. He loves me despite my selfishness, my jealousy, my sailor mouth, and all the mistakes I’ve made. He knows and loves me deeply. And you, too!!
All the things I’ve experienced this year don’t compare to the wealth of knowing God more fully. Paul writes: “Whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.”
I probably will write one last blog at the end of this month. I could write a million more blogs about the lessons I’ve learned, people I’ve met, the food I’ve eaten, the bathroom horror stories, the ministry and the love of God, but I’d rather just tell you over coffee. Or margaritas. Or tater tots from Sticky Rice.
Mmm, tater tots,
Natalie
