Blog 5 of the 5 days of blogs: “Woah, We’re Halfway There!!”
Guys, today means that I’m exactly halfway through the Race!! It’s crazy to even try to think about all that’s happened in the past months. I want to process with you what has happened to me in Guatemala and my first half of Ethiopia. I want to remember what I’ve learned, what the Lord says about me, my highs and my lows, and what I want the rest of my time on the field until June to look like. I really do feel like this year has already, and will continue to, call me deeper into the woman of God that I already am.
Steadfast. That’s my theme for these entire nine months. God has been so kind in teaching me about how beautiful the word “steadfast” is and how much meaning it has. He first taught me about His steadfastness and then told me that’s who I am too. He taught me about forgiveness and freedom. I am free from the lies of the world and I am free to be who God created me to be. He’s taught me about grace and mercy and to have that with people. He reminded me to give everything wholly up to Him and trust that He will take care of it. He taught me how to choose in even when I don’t feel like it, and I’ve seen how it changes my mood so quickly and fills me up. My favorite thing that I learned was that I GET the opportunity to fall in love with God and rest in Him, and I do that daily now. I’ve learned to be spirit led in all I do.
The Lord has loved showing me how much He loves me and what specifically He loves about me. He started off by telling me how excited He is for my future with Him and that it’s going to be good. Because of what I’ve learned, I trust Him with what’s ahead and I won’t let go no matter what happens. He loves me so much that He wants to do life together, all of it. He’s told me through others that my heart is sweet and pure, that I am a defender, a woman of kindness, that I am enough, I am bold and I have courage, and that I’m a woman of peace and gentleness. I’ve found so much out about who I am weekly, God just keeps pouring it out to me. I can’t help but think I’m God’s favorite, but that’s just because I’ve made myself aware of how much He loves me. I’m sure you definitely would think you’re the favorite too if you just let God pour into you. Don’t doubt what He’s telling you about your identity.
I’ve also had highs and lows on the Race. Some of the harder things are still happening, but the good things keep coming too. I struggled with homesickness a majority of my time, I’m not going to deny it. It’s part of the abandonment. I’m not afraid of doing hard things. I can do the hard things. I went to two funerals in Guatemala, I experienced the death of a loved one and had to mourn away from my family, but prayer was what kept me strong. Someone I care about deeply had surgery and was in the hospital for a while. Again, prayer is where it’s at. I dealt with kids that didn’t want to be poured into and I pushed past the walls they put up. The outcome was nothing small. I also was able to see a different community come alongside me in this time. We fought for each other and listened to one other. That’s the biggest blessing from the Race. It’s the people that are around me to help me grow and lean into the Father. I also fell in love with a second family in Guatemala. They took ministry and made it life. It became so easy to fall in love with what I was doing daily and they loved me so well. I got to leave the country for the first time and see the beauty of the world, thanks God for opening my eyes. I was able to love my family from afar and had the opportunity to pray for them AND get to see the outcome and growth of it. I’ve finally made it to my dream continent, doing my dream ministry. I’ve waited so long for it and now it’s my life for three months. Thanks God for the highs and lows.
Looking forward, I’m so stoked for the next four and a half months. I’m learning to see people through God’s eyes and only His eyes. I want to see people and see the children’s need for love in their eyes. I want to learn how to love the homeless without giving them money. They don’t need money, they need the Father’s love (one of the people that work at the base of where we’re staying for debrief opened my eyes up to that one today). I’m going to give my worries and the weight on my shoulders to the Father, putting it at His feet and letting Him hold me. I’m carrying weight that’s not mine, and I won’t do it anymore. The next four months will have so much growth, I’m not finished. Guys, growth can happen so rapidly if you let God in, and let Him tear you apart. Yes, it hurts, but it is so so good. I’ll be praying for you for that.
