Man, so much has happened to me the past three weeks. As many of you know, I just recently got back from Training Camp for The Race in Georgia after being there for ten days. Training Camp really did bring out the reality of me being gone from my home for nine months, and it was hard to deal with the first couple of nights. After coming home from training camp, I had the weekend to try to relax and chill and then on to Senior Teen Camp at Lake Geneva in Alexandria, MN for yet another week away from home life to spend time with God. The Lord really taught me to calm my heart through these two camps.
Walking into training camp, I had a heavy weight on my chest. It would come and go, but when it came, it felt like I was trapped under a rock. I didn’t know what I got myself into. Honestly, I got frustrated at myself for not processing the fact that I will be gone for NINE months. Little me at the start of training camp (and up until a few days ago) did not see this trip the way God sees it. Through training camp and teen camp, the Lord taught me and showed me how to be still and see the big picture, not just see my feelings and aches in the moments when I feel anxious.
I struggled with leaving people behind (you all know this from a past blog) and the guilt of that was tearing me to pieces and causing me to lose vision. One of the first nights at camp, the Lord gave me so much peace about leaving my family. He spoke over me and told me that they will be okay and He will take care of them. Later that night, I got a text from my mom and she told me how excited she is for this for both me and her, and that this isn’t just my journey, it’s hers too. Yay Lord!
Another point in the training camp week, I received more peace that I didn’t even know I needed. God had been giving me peace throughout the whole week, and I thought I was good, but then a woman came up to me. I want you to know that she didn’t even know me, I had never seen her in my life. She tapped me on the shoulder and gave me words pertaining right to my situation and how I was feeling at camp. She told me that God wanted me to know that the relationships I’m scared to be leaving back home will be okay. She went into detail on how God says the time apart will be good, and both sides will grow from this. She finished by saying that God says He doesn’t want me to worry. GUYS, I did not know this girl. God: the willing giver of peace. God still isn’t finished yet.
After I got back from training camp, I went straight to teen camp the next Monday morning. Right away, I felt a press on my heart to talk to my counselor, Monicka Eidsvoog, about how I was feeling. I still had the weight of leaving on my shoulders. I know, you’d think I’d know by now that everything will be okay. I talked to her Wednesday night and as tears filled both of our eyes, she spoke words of abundance and encouragement over me. She reminded me that I am chosen for this trip. That’s something I hadn’t realized yet. I knew I was called, but I had not yet processed the chosen part. God chose me for this trip, I am chosen. This isn’t just something I’m doing in obedience, it’s something that He chose me to do for a purpose. I’m reminded that I bring qualities into my team and squad that others can’t bring. Same for them. We all bring different qualities to the table. We all serve a purpose on this trip. It’s not just something we do to do, but we do it because there is a purpose behind it. I’ve been taught this many times. It just hadn’t yet become something that I actually had to tackle to figure out for myself. God: equips the called.
My counselor also prayed for the wall of guilt that I had built up around me to tear down, and now all I see is Jesus on the other end of it with his hands stretched out, waiting for me to grab hold of them and walk in peace with Him. Guys, God is big. He gave me peace throughout both camps. He is patient with me and takes me through the smallest of steps to see the bigger picture, because that is what I need, He knows this. I was reminded of His peace, I was reminded of His patience, I was reminded of His willingness, I was reminded of His love, and I was reminded that I am chosen for this trip. God, you are good & you’re not finished yet either.
