It’s 12:36am and I lay in bed awake unable to find rest, so I turn to God. I welcome Him into my thoughts and I seek comfort from Him.
Almost immediately my mind is filled with a beautiful imagine of our Mother Mary holding me in her arms. But I am not weak, being held like a baby. Rather, I am fierce and Mary is holding me up in pride.
We are in the sky, strong winds are blowing our hair back. I notice something I hadn’t initially, Mary is being held up by magnificent, golden wings large enough to wrap around us both two times over.
We bask in freedom. My mother’s whisper saying “It’s okay” fills my head. I have never felt so free.
This is the glory of forgiveness.
As I recognize that, I look to my heavenly mother, as our eyes lock, she smiles at me. A smile that says “I understand,” a smile that says “I love you,” a smile that only a mother can give.
As I soak up the warmth of her smile, the wings holding her and I up gently bring us down and embrace us at the feet of God the Father.
We are tiny compared to Him. He towers over us. We are equivalent to the size of His big toe. Strangely, instead of fear, I am overcome with comfort.
“Why do you worry child?” An almost audible voice booms in my head. He speaks directly to me. Not out of anger or disappointment, but completely and utterly out of care and concern for me, His daughter.
I can’t find an answer, all of my worries and thoughts have ceased. My mind is empty as I lay in the arms of Mother Mary, wrapped by the wings I have come to understand are a representation the Holy Spirit, and I feel nothing but calm and comfort.
In my silence, our Father reaches His immense hand down to me, tentatively, I place my tiny hand on his pointer finger. He speaks to me again, softer this time He says, “Child, have they caused you to forget who I say you are? Don’t you know how I feel about you?”
Instantly, I rise up, Father and I are on the same level now.
“I am strong and steadfast. I am passionate and relentless. My love is a force that cannot be reckoned with. All of this, you have hand placed in me.”
Father nods His agreement and His smile brightens with each statement I make.
Now, I stand hand in hand with my Father as He stares into my soul and I continue to speak,
“I am not defiant, I am not rebellious. I do not disobey. No, I just want to please people.”
The moment this last phrase leaves my lips, a passage I read earlier this afternoon begins to ring through my every thought until it because almost deafening.
“We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.” {1 Thessalonians 2:4}
God’s expression slowly changes to reveal a look of compassion, a look that hurts for me.
“You can never please them my dear, nothing is ever enough for them…” My Father’s voice trembles as He speaks these words over me as if it pains Him to say this.
“But Natalie, you have never failed me. To me, you are everything. You are more than enough. Your heart has pleased me more than you can comprehend. You cannot fathom the pleasure you have already brought me.”
With these words, He rests His head on my shoulder. We fall into the warmest embrace and begin to weep.
Each tear brings refreshment. Each tear brings revival. Tear by tear my Father fills me up with His love for me.
“I am more than pleased with you.” He whispers as He kisses the last tear away from each of my eyes.
“I am more than pleased with you.”
