I have worked with different orphanages during my race, but
not nearly as closely as I am now with KIM (Kids international ministries).
When being on a 24/7 rotating schedule with you and your five teams on site,
you get a lot of time with the kiddos. Never have I felt such, I don’t even
know the word, conflicting emotions as I did last week.
Sara Hansen, the leader of team COOL, and I were working in
the infants and toddlers rooms. Just like every other 6am-2pm shift Sara and I
were quite tired, but this day we were in for a rude awakening.
William Miller, who is a former
world racer from Tara Reed’s first squad she was on, is our contact here. He
wrote a blog that sums up what happened really well so I have included some
parts of what he wrote:
I’ve been meeting with a young
mother that I’ve been helping support. When I returned to her and asked
her what her plan was for survival, she asked me to take the baby. She
kept telling me how the baby was so sick and she couldn’t work with an infant
and had no way of ever providing. Furthermore, at the age of 18, she was
fearful she would regret having the baby and not look at him with love.
Not exactly the answer I was hoping to hear. I’ve been trying to
counsel her through this, but I’m way out of my league. This woman loves
her baby, but she’s faced with such a tough decision.
Today (February 6th), it
was time to allow her to meet with our resident social worker and see what the
options were. I went to load her up in the van with a couple of trusty
sidekicks (the most important woman in my life not related to me, Tara, and her
squad mate Christy) and we took off for what could be a pretty emotional day.
When I walked the mother into the office, our social worker asked me to take
the baby. This was the first time in his 17 month life that they wouldn’t
be in the same room together. After about 45 minutes, I was asked to
distract the baby and load up the family because they would surrender the baby.
Where I expected tears, I saw relief.
I can’t even imagine what this girl
is thinking, so I told Tara and Christy not to leave their sides. We took
her and her sister grocery shopping, and this mother looked like a little girl
again. For the first time in six months, she looked her age. I’ve
been torn all day about what to fear. On one side, the bond between a
mother and child is one of the tightest bonds God has created. On the
other side, sometimes unfair things happen to women, and their consequence is
another human life. While I know this mother loves her baby, no child
should ever be seen as a consequence.
A few hours ago, I went back to
check on our new child at the children’s home. This baby was still
wailing when we left, so I just expected more. I heard his voice from
halfway across the camp, but it only came in spurts. I expected to see
him still fighting with whoever was holding him, but he was dying out laughing
as all the older kids played with him. For the first time, he had
brothers and sisters. He will now have three full meals a day with two
snack times in between. If he’s sick, he’ll go to
the pediatrician for the first time. Tonight, he’ll even have
his own bed.
I still
don’t know what to think. Everything in me wants to put the family back
together, but what’s right? I can’t try to fix things that God wants to
open up. This mother would have never heard about the orphanage or would
have never seen surrendering her child as an option if it weren’t for me.
I don’t know what to feel. All I know is that right now, a child is
in a loving environment that can also provide for and take care of him.
He’s always been around love, but he’s also always been in need.
It’s a big day and it’s one of those days that I’m reminded I don’t know
why things happen the way they do. Maybe this is the plan…
a child is surrendered; so much more. I am learning the complexities of God’s
plan for every one of His children and my life as well. So much of what happens
in our lives does not make sense in the moment, but a lot of times we can look
back on different situations and see the beauty that eventually came out of it.
Whether that’s realizing the guy you thought you were going to marry wasn’t for
you, simply learning how to be stronger and stick up for yourself, have more
discernment in situations, suffering through hardship but simultaneously
someone experiencing true freedom from their situation, being able to walk
through a hard situation with someone because you’re been there; whatever it
may be, as my Mom says, “All things happen for a reason.” Sometimes we have to
face the consequences of our own sin, of us choosing ourselves over God’s plan,
other times, hard things happen because we live in a broken world. Most the
time though, it is far more complex for our minds to understand. However:
“The Lord directs our steps,
So
why try to understand everything along the way?”
hard to swallow that he will grow up without his mother, of course it is. Do we
all wish that the situation were different, of course we do. But can we find
peace in knowing that he will grow up with brothers and sisters, medical care,
a bed, clean clothes, food in his belly, and people to love him, yes we can.
God is in control, He knows what He is doing, even if we sometimes don’t.
