THAILAND!
There has been so much that has been happening lately I can barely keep my head on straight. To begin, you all are AMAZING! The two videos from my last blog, those girls not only raise all of the support, but one of them rose over what she needed by over $500! That is such a testimony to seeing people moved by what God is doing in our world! Such a blessing to get to witness His faithfulness yet again :). A huge thank you to those of you who donated to me; 100% of those donations went to supporting my team! Thank you for joining in with me already in changing these team members lives!
I have to share a story from last night.
To begin, the first girl I had the privilege of praying with was absolutely WRECKED by the message. The speaking pastor (Chris Weinand) had shared a story of a girl in a black cocktail dress who had an unfortunate one night stand that plagued her with guilt and shame. She begged God for forgiveness and attempted to go on with her life. Many months later she was engaged to be married, and as she stood in front of the mirror trying on her wedding dress, she was haunted by the memory of that night; guilt and shame poured over her, robbing her from the joy of that beautiful moment. This girl went home, cried out to God on her bed in embarrassment. He then went on to talk about her time as she prayed to God asking for His forgiveness yet again and she had those months before. However, God was quiet, He said nothing in return. “God, where are you? Are you there? Are you listening?” “yes, I am here” “God, I am so sorry for what happened long ago.” “What are you talking about?” God replied. “Well, remember that night when I went out drinking with my friends?” “Yes” “Well, remember that black cocktail dress..and how…that night…I went and…” “What are you talking about?” God tenderly replied.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:11-12)
For I will forgive their wickedness
God does not hold against us the sins in which we come to Him with a repented heart for. He doesn’t! He is such a gracious and compassionate God. That does not mean that we do not still suffer natural consequences, but He does not hold that guilt over us. He simply desires us to realize our mistake and turn back to Him. It is hard for me to fathom God actually forgetting my sins. I am emotional thinking about this as I write this, so moved by the grace of Our Father; that grace in which I so personally struggle to accept.
Back to the prayer room. The girl I sat down with to pray was sobbing. After a gentle prayer asking for the Lord to come and comfort her and speak to her heart, she was able to share. She then told me that the entire sermon was for her. She told me that the story of the girl in the cocktail dress, that was almost the exact same story she had experience. She is now married but still walks in that guilt and has told no one about it. She has been walking in this dark shame for years, not knowing how to release this guilt. My heart broke for this sweet girl, you could literally feel the pain just throbbing from her. We prayed. I cannot even explain it except to say that the Holy Spirit came, and He came with such a strength that I have not felt in years. I like to keep my eyes open as I pray to 1) selfishly see God work, and 2) see if there is anything I need to be aware of as I pray. Each word I spoke felt straight from the Holy Spirit, He wanted to HEAL this girl! As I prayed and asked God to remove her pain, guilt and shame, you could literally watch her body just seem to expel the lies against her worth. Those lies she believed for so long that she was dirty, undesirable, unworthy of love, deserving of pain…so many lies. God was snapping those lies in half and burning them up! Then I had the privilege of watching God speaking words of life into her, showing her the way that He sees her! That He really does love her! It was truly wonderful.
To watch as God used Chris to almost speak this girls exact story, and to then see such freedom from guilt and shame come into her life was one of the most incredible experiences I have been a part of in a while. I am literally weepy right now as I think on how amazing He is. I feel like a giddy girl falling in love all over again with our amazing Jesus.
It completely confirmed the fact that I am meant to go to Thailand in just four days. To be a part of an organization who is helping prevent little ones from the horrific pains of sex being distorted. Yes this girls story is different, but it is still a product of the enemy using a beautiful thing, twisting it around and invading people’s worth an identity with lies and pain.
After the service and letting Chris know what God did through his talk, my co-leader for Thailand and I went back up to the prayer room to meet with the pastor of missions for our church and his wife during the second teaching of the night. We were going to talk one last time to be prepared for the trip. No more than 5 minutes into our conversation, a sweet girl comes into the prayer room, clearly distraught. Normally, people do not come in until after the sermon but this girl said she could not sit in there any longer. She then sat down to tell us about her current relationship. She went on to tell us a story that sounded all too familiar. The kind of story that makes your hair stand on end. Basically, from her vantage point, she has been dating a guy that has been emotionally, sexually, and spiritually abusing this girl. He would sleep with her and then tell her that God told him that he needed to date other people, but then also tell her God told him to sleep with her. My blood was boiling as I listened about this man completely misrepresent the Lord to this Buddhist girl. “Why would tell him to do these things?” she would say. The reason she was even at church was because he told her to come. When she arrived, he pushed her away and said he was going on a date, but that she needed to hear the sermon so she needed to stay. She was so distraught that she wandered into the prayer room. Thankfully we were able to tell her that God would not say those things and just wrap our arms around this lonely and confused girl. We told her that it did not matter that she believed something different then us, but that we want to be there for her regardless. What’s crazy, is she is Thai… and her story was one in which you hear from trafficking survivors. The kind where the guy showers her with love, buys her things, takes care of her, and then mistreats her so badly to a point that she views herself as absolutely nothing….just to pick her up again when she starts to realize this may not be good for her. He also told her he wanted to take her to Thailand in November. I truly feel like God ordained that meeting last night. She could so easily been manipulated into who knows what. Just as girls who are pimped out by the ‘‘boyfriend tactic‘ this girl is still in love with this man. But, like with any story, there are always two sides and we have yet to hear his, so praying the truth would be revealed and grace for them both. Please join me in praying for her. Please pray for them both.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:3-5)
