i'm going to try my best at summarizing this past year and talk about what's next. here goes nothin.
my words carry a crazy amount of power. although i have spent too much of my life using them to tear down, god has redeemed that and i'm learning how to use them to build up.
lies and fear are part of life but they don't have to be a crippling part. it is so important to know the word and fight with the truth.
grace is insane.
once we understand how jacked up we are, we can appropriately love those who are jacked up around us.
exposure is hard, necessary, and brings so much growth and freedom.
addicts, alcoholics, lonely, lost, struggling, broken people excite me like nothing i can explain. my heart beats for them.
i would love to see the american church invite the holy spirit in. we wouldn't know what hit us.
bible reading, praying, church, is all bull malarky if our hearts aren't right. i understand isaiah 58 all too well.
my pride has been broken about 1,308 times this year. 1,308 of the best things that have ever happened to me.
god had quite the sense of humor this year putting me on a team with someone who, a lot of days, made me either want to bash my head into a wall or just straight up go home. through that relationship he taught me grace, unconditional love, humility, kachobillion other things, and now that chica is one of my favorite people on the planet. god has a reason for things, for everyone in your life, whether or not you can see it right now.
god speaks today like he did way back when.
he really really really (i can't say "really" enough) works all things for our good and his glory. oh me oh my he really does.
everything i have been through serves a purpose. i want to use my past to bring healing to others.
serve those around you. be intentional about putting others needs and wants before your own. it's not so bad after all.
money is not ours and was never intended to be ours. we are stewards. giving brings an unexplainable amount of joy.
somewhere i picked up the idea that i had to be perfect for god to love me. i, for some reason, continue to strive for perfection. he gently (and sometimes not so gently) reminds me that the more i strive, the more i fail, but that his love and grace still remain.
i wrote down everywhere god has shown up in my life, all the crap i got myself into and how he used it all, yes all, for good. consider my mind blown.
safety is key! the people you are around have to know that they are safe with you, otherwise growth is so hindered.
"once (x), always (x)" is one of the saddest phrases i have ever heard. redemption is a process, often times long, often times hard, but never out of reach.
peter (and a ton of other peeps in la biblia) jacked things up. god chose him knowing he would and was thrown for no loop when it happened. god chose him anyway. we never really make that a point but we should. that one simple truth changed me. when i screw up it does not mean that god is done with me or suddenly canceled his plans for my life.
when i'm faithless, god is faithful. every stinkin time.
god is such a good dad who delights in blessing us.
gossip kills. honor everyone around you.
the hard things need to be said. we do not have time to sit around and hope for the best. i, as a believer, have the responsibility to call others out and up no matter how awkward or painful it might be at the time. man up and get awkward.
i want to talk to believers and unbelievers alike about the super uncomfortable and hard things that no one talks about.
i want to open my doors to everyone. broken, hungry, confused, believer, lost as the pigs i heard get slaughtered everyday in cambodia, happy, sad. i want a house of safety and honor and community and joy.
i had a vision one night of my house being full of my neighbors (literal and not) where we were all singing "no place i'd rather be" by jesus culture. i fully believe this will one day be reality.
i long for people to know there is hope no matter their situation.
god sets up divine appointments all the time. listen for his voice.
i have a gnarly "testimony" from a churchy view, but the thing i want people to know the most is that i still struggle and i still mess up but that god is still faithful, his grace never runs out, and he loves it when i come to him and say "i can't do life without you, i need you, i'm still nothing without you although you have rescued me." we forget to add that last part in our stories and i believe it is damaging to the church. god stepping in doesn't mean perfection. just when i think i have it under control without him i find myself falling faster and harder. expose yourself. be vulnerable. allow people into the deep hard places. and on the flip side, accept those people who allow you in. don't justify their sins for them, but do not condemn and bring shame. i was so jacked up, am still so jacked up without christ. like i said up there, once i began to understand my own state, my own need of grace all day erryday, i had much more patience, grace, love, for everyone around me.
i don't know exactly what life will look like when i get back but i do know that i have been called home and been given a crazy love for broken people, whether that is the body of christ or people who have never heard his name. i intend to love these people and serve and give until it hurts. sometimes this will be giving when i don't have much to give, sometimes i know i will complain and have to be knocked over the head to get it. i'm looking forward to it all the same. god will provide what i need when i need it. he will bless me because i'm his daughter who he delights in. he has his own timeframe for me, but i'm so excited to get home, plant in a neighborhood, love my literal neighbors (and the not literal ones too), get involved in a community and church and love with everything. to not just teach things, but to live them, to show christ through my love and my actions.
bring on the next journey in life. see ya in three days, america.
