Faye is a sweet sweet little three year old that lives at the orphanage we are working at this month. When she was just a baby, she was abandoned. In a plastic bag. In a field. She has cerebral palsy and I’m not sure if that was determined before she was abandoned or not. The point is, she is here. She is a three year old who crawls on her knees while her friends run and play. Who gets fed as her friends feed themselves. Who watches others color while she has trouble just holding a crayon. Somehow, as many of these stories as I hear and see, it doesn’t get easier. It doesn’t get easier to watch children suffer. I know that God is still in total control, even in these situations. But that doesn’t stop the heartbreak.
It’s our second to last day here now and she has chicken pox. Sam and Eilidh were in one of the children’s rooms putting them to bed and I had a question for Eilidh so I headed that way. I assumed that they were mostly asleep but as I was walking to the room, I saw Faye lying on the couch. She has been there most of the day, resting, sleeping on and off. She was still there because they weren’t sure if she would sleep since she already had for part of the day. I asked if I could put her to bed and was told yes. I picked her up and her body was burning up. I carried her to her bed and snuggled up with her. I rested her head on my arm and leaned her sick little body onto mine. At first she just sucked and sucked on her passy as she cried. I sang to her and prayed over her and stroked her face. She started sucking her passy slower and slower until it stopped altogether and she started breathing heavily. She was out. She twitched every now and then and started the sucking again but it never lasted for more than a couple seconds.
As she slept in my arms I was filled with so much love. A bit of anger was in there too, at the fact that this precious child was abandoned… left for dead. But so much joy knowing that God sent ME here for this time and gave me the opportunity to cuddle her, let her fall asleep in my arms, whisper to her how priceless and loved and beautiful she is, and pray for her. Pray that one day she would have a momma and daddy who love her more than she can even fathom and who will raise her up in a godly home. Pray that as I am not able to do this anymore, God will keep providing people who will, and that even He will whisper into her soul how absolutely valuable she is.
We had planned a sleepover in one of the rooms so when I left Faye, I went to put my stuff in a different room, and went and got the little one who has stolen my heart, Busi. I once again played Momma and got to cuddle her all night and sing her to sleep and pray over her. I would come back to adopt her in a heartbeat but I will see where the Lord leads me. Just for a moment, though, I was set. I had my babygirl with me. I'm leaving part of my heart behind when I leave here, but I'm leaving hopeful. Hopeful that if God doesn't have me come back here to adopt, it's only because He has something better for me. This month, as I said in one of my last blogs, has reawakened my desire to be a mom and shown me that it's a desire planted by God Himself. I'm leaving here with a hole in my heart, but a hole that I know will be filled and then some by the time God is done with me.
For now, I'm just beyond thankful for the opportunities that I have been given to love these precious children.
