I’ve put off writing this blog for a few months now – mostly because I wasn’t sure how to write a blog on my “expectations” when I honestly didn’t (and still don’t) have any idea as to what I’m really getting myself into in the first place. Then there’s also the fact that I’ve read HUNDREDS of WR blogs that talk about how we shouldn’t have any expectations – at all. And since I just don’t see that as being an option for me – I always found myself back at square one.
So I’ve decided to throw anything that sounds remotely eloquent out the window and just be real. After all, the Google simply defines an expectation as a strong belief that something will happen. Well here are some of the things I think will happen:
- I expect to cry (starting off this list on a real high note!) – whether from the frustration of not being able to fit everything I think I’ll need in my pack to seeing someone who is very obviously suffering in any capacity (and everything in between!), I expect my emotions will get the better of me and my only response at times will be to shed tears.
- I expect to laugh (a lot!) – it might be from being so tired that EVERYTHING becomes hilarious or maybe because I’m just so in love with my team and the experience we’re having together, but one way or another I expect to laugh so hard at times that I cry (see first bullet above).
- I expect to be uncomfortable (REALLY uncomfortable) – I can’t even begin to explain all the ways in which this will happen (eating strange foods, spiders, snakes, sleeping on a glorified pool raft, being completely clueless because I don’t speak the language and they’re just telling me to get in the van, etc.) but I expect I’m going to be uncomfortable and I’m just going to have to get over it.
- I expect to get homesick (which is a newer feeling for me!) – although I moved pretty far from home and my family to attend college, I didn’t have to deal with any major shifts in language or culture. Now I’m not only leaving behind my first home/family as well as my second home/adopted family – but I’m leaving them to be uncomfortable (see bullet above) living in the third world where I don’t necessarily understand the culture OR the language. Yikes.
- I expect to grow – through this journey, I hope to grow in every facet of my life: spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically (I’d actually like to shrink here). I want to step out in my faith daily, be molded more into His image, see people the way He sees them, love on people the way He loves me and ultimately discover exactly who He has called me to be. I expect certain growth spurts to be painful and I expect to feel silly that I was ever afraid of certain growth spurts.
Obviously, the above isn’t an exhaustive list of all the things I expect from this journey. Frankly, those 5 bullet points above don’t really even begin to scratch the surface of all the expectations I’ve built up in my head. But I’m totally OK with that – having all these expectations. Because in my opinion, it’s not necessarily the expectations themselves that will get you into trouble – it’s your reaction to the expectations and your willingness and ability to adapt when your expectation is wrong.
An article in the New York Times (“What Did You Expect? It Makes a Difference”, January 12, 2012) states that “there are two sides of expectations — what we expect from others and what we expect from ourselves. Understanding what is in your control and what is not is crucial in managing expectations.” With that in mind, I think about my experiences in Haiti – and I can very clearly see these two sides of expectations. In a country that’s not your own, in a culture that you don’t always understand, you can’t possibly expect to control the “others”. In fact, you’ll go insane trying to do so. All you can do is hand that desire to control the situation over to God and just walk in the path that He has set before you. Just be willing to say yes. As for what you can expect from yourself – my softball coach in college would tell us that we could only control two things: our attitude and our effort. And I think both of these will be VITALLY important on the Race. At the end of the day, I need to control what I can control and be able to adapt to everything else. In the same article, I thought it was summed it up rather perfectly in this way: “it seems as if it is best to have low expectations of things out of our control… and high expectations of ourselves.”
So with that, I’m throwing out the notion of having no expectations. I’m throwing out the over-used clichés like “always expect the unexpected” and “hope for the best but expect the worst”. It’s my prayer that God would do a miraculous work in me and through me in the next 5 months and over the course of this journey – to focus on only the things that I can control; to give me the strength to have a good attitude and to put forth my best effort even when things aren’t going according to my expectations; and to remind me to hand Him the reigns when I feel those expectations starting to creep into places that they have no business being.
For His glory,
Nat
PS – I would LOVE to hear from my readers and donors – what expectations do YOU have for my trip? PLEASE leave a comment below!
