Read Part 1 here.
God’s timing is perfect. To be able to say that with absolute confidence is nothing short of AWEsome. There were many times over these last few weeks when I found myself blown away by that simple fact. Like when I decided to read Daring Greatly by Brene Brown last month and then made an intentional choice to be more vulnerable with my teammates as a result of it – I firmly believe God was preparing me for the moment when I chose to let the squad see me cry and grieve for Chris. Or when God spoke into the planning for which team would go where this month – and the team that I’m leading was assigned as the “Unsung Hero” team and given the freedom and flexibility to choose where to spend our time while in Malaysia. When all the other teams had to leave and head to their locations, our team was able to stay in Kuala Lampur and love on Chris as part of our ministry for the month.
God’s goodness is also abundantly more than anything we can imagine. I love that verse in Psalm 145. “They shall eagerly utter the memory of Your abundant goodness” (v. 7a, NASB). I’ve been doing that a lot lately – reflecting on all the ways that God has been so good to me throughout this experience. Tragic things happen. What happened to Chris is tragic. Him having to leave the Race and our squad is tragic. But I’ve now been able to experience firsthand how God can and will use tragedies for His glory and provide us with opportunities to grow. His goodness also graciously extends to giving us the desires of our hearts – whether we realize they’re there or not, and even if we’re too chicken to ask for them outright.
As I have been walking out my journey on the Race, I began to recognize a yearning in my heart to be more compassionate – to be able to empathize with others; to care and love and serve them in whatever way I could; and to enter into their space with them and just be there. But something always held me back. The enemy would tell me that there was someone more qualified to be “that” person – Natalie, you just don’t have the right heart. Or that the other person wouldn’t want me to fill that role – Natalie, even if you offered they would prefer someone else to do it. So I’d always chicken out, freeze up, walk away. When Chris got injured, I knew in my heart where I hoped and desired to be. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to serve him in any way that I could because I had grown to care for and love him as my teammate and friend. But those old insecurities flared up – and while my heart and spirit hoped and prayed for the decision-makers to see my desire to help – I never summoned up the courage to actually let it be known. But guess what – God gave me the desires of my heart any way. That’s His goodness. A final excerpt from my C&C’s that week:
Last night, I was lying on the floor next to Chris’ hospital bed and the thought occurred to me, “Given the choice, I wouldn’t choose to be anywhere else in the world besides right here.” So I told him that. And he lifted himself up from lying down and said, “You’ve always thought you didn’t care about things, but I always knew you did and could. I always knew it.” Yeah – that was one of those moments. I’m in a really good place – challenging but oh so good. I know there will still be a struggle as Chris transitions into whatever comes next for him and I re-focus on the second half of the Race – but I’m hopeful for what that struggle will produce in me. And for that reason, I’ll just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
So what is it all for really? Why did God allow this to happen to Chris? Why was I so affected by it? At the end of the story, this is what I want you, the reader, to know. I want you to see God’s goodness and faithfulness in every moment of this story. I want you to see how I’ve changed and been affected by one person in my community being obedient and trusting in the Lord. And finally, I want you to understand that you don’t have to travel the world or go on the World Race to see evidence of this in your own life. It can happen right where you are – in you and through you.
As a final thought, Chris celebrated his 23rd birthday last week. At his birthday lunch, we asked him to impart 23 pieces of wisdom. I’ve selected two of his 23 points to share with you below. I thought they were beautifully appropriate for this story. I hope you think so too.
- Be painfully vulnerable – if you feel something, tell someone. If you don’t feel something, tell someone. If you don’t know what you feel, tell someone. Always take it to the Lord.
- Love each other until it hurts then keep loving. Love yourself until it hurts then keep loving. Let others love you. Let God love you.
For His glory,
Nat
