“Nat, I think you suffer from unbelief.”
Those were the words spoken to me by my Squad Leader back in India on my first month of the Race. Nearly 18 months ago.
She was calling me out as to whether or not I believed the Lord could actively speak to me – as I had just tried to excuse myself from an activity by saying, “The Lord doesn’t speak to me that way”. She asked me to pray about it – to actually sit and listen – and hear what the Lord may or may not have to say. To step out in faith and expectation and give it the “good ol’ college try”.
That next night, I conversed with the Lord in a way I never had before. I now believed and as a result, my relationship with the Lord was deeper and my relationships with those around me were enriched. I learned that when we walk in true belief of the Lord’s goodness, faithfulness, power and desire to grow closer to us – we are brought one step closer to who He truly designed us to be. To receive that much more of all He intended for us.
I confess that I have been walking in unbelief once again – though I hadn’t quite realized it. You see – I wasn’t convinced that coming to Greece would really MEAN anything. Of course I would do good work, hand out food and clothing as needed, be an extra set of hands and another smile the refugees would see along their journey. But I knew someone else would probably do it with more joy in their heart and more pep in their step than I would. And in the grand scheme of things, from an ETERNAL perspective, does any of it really make a difference? The refugees are in front of you for one minute, ONE SECOND at times – and gone the next. What is that one-second smile worth?
The calm chaos of helping refugees off the boat. Here one second, gone the next.
One morning, midway through the trip, I was reading my Bible and journaling. I had decided to pick up my reading in Hebrews, beginning with the first chapter. As I got to chapter three, I started reading about Moses and the lack of faith and belief on the part of the Israelites as they were wandering through the desert. And then in verse 12, I read:
“Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God.”
Wow. God has a very strong opinion about a heart filled with unbelief. Not only is it evil – it, in fact, falls away from God. Verse 19 even goes on to say that the Israelites were unable to enter into the Promised Land because of their unbelief. And I realized in that instant what I had fallen into. The way I viewed my trip to Greece and the seemingly “eternally meaningless” work I was doing.
I had a bad case of the unbeliefs and God wanted to use a part of this trip to help me cure them.
To be continued.
