It’s our last week in Nicaragua and I am having my one-on-one with one of our squad leaders when I am informed that in less than a week teams will be changing, all team leaders will be stepping down for a time of rest, and new ones will be raised up for this month of MANistry, all the men are together, in the Philippines.
In the moment, I wasn’t quite sure what I thought of this. I was excited for change, yet terrified, if I’m being honest. What would the race look like for me now? How would things be different? Have I failed at what I’ve been asked to do? The thoughts, questions, and even doubts ran through my mind so fast. I was broken hearted to leave a team I felt was just finding a groove together and had spent so much time investing into. I was broken hearted that the last month with my team, I spent in bed sick. I was broken hearted to leave a title I had filled for three months. Despite the emotional part of this new idea, I really had a peace about the Lord’s hand in it all.
I wish I could sit here and say my identity wasn’t shaken at the sound of what was about to happen, but “failure” was the first thing that came to mind. Along with “this is a step in the wrong direction.” “I’ve been demoted.” “I didn’t do good enough.” “I didn’t have what it took.” In this moment, I realized there were bigger issues than me stepping down, there were heart issues that need to be dealt with and more breaking down of a righteousness built on works and not faith.
I feel like it’s times like these that produce the most growth in a person. I am thankful for a God who won’t let these things go unnoticed or allow them to go on any longer. I am thankful for a God who longs for freedom and a secure identity in me so bad that He is willing to do what it takes to get me there in a way that is very intentional and personal. I am thankful for a God who knows better than I ever will and loves me enough to bring up these things.
Right before we left for the Philippines, on my birthday, we were placed into our new teams. I was happy that I was able to carry two of my old teammates, Markelle and Kelsea, with me and gain 4 more teammates, Meredith (our team leader), Deanna, Jordan (a previous co-team leader), and Danielle. I can genuinely say I was so excited about my new team. It was fresh, different, and full of amazing women of God who I respected in so many ways. I couldn’t wait to spend this month with them. After going on our first team date as Team Matapang, which means “bold and courageous” in the Filipino language called Tagalog, the excitement only grew more and more. I knew the Lord had amazing things in store for our future month together.
Our ministry contact in the Philippines is Natalie and Mike Bucher; however, we primarily work with a native Filipino, Rhayan. This is the first time that they have ever had a world race team, so it’s been an honor to set a standard and also pioneer something the Lord has begun. We are out on the top of a mountain, in the wilderness, away from the city, where the view is gorgeous and we have seriously nothing but each other. So far we have been able to go into the community, hold a VBS type day for younger children, go into a scavenging community and play with them and teach them about the bible, do pedicures for pregnant women, work on the property building bamboo fences and goat pens, and love on some youth girls. We will also be holding a youth conference, women’s conference, preaching the Gospel in an elementary school, leading worship at church, along with other activities.
Because we do happen to be here in the rainy season, ministry has often times been set aside to each other. It’s been such a blessing to listen to podcasts, worship, play games, and even just sit around and talk with my new team. As hard as “slow ministry” can be at times, we have been able to find that ministry is our lifestyle and with one another as well. I feel so blessed to have no internet, no distractions to detour us from pouring into one another, for this month may be all we have together.
I know the Lord has walked me through this transition and is continuing to do so. He is redeeming my idea of leadership and shedding a new light and perspective onto some wrong beliefs I had picked up along the way. I’m finding the Lord calling me, as he did Abraham, to build an altar and lay down my promises, my desires, my dreams, and trust the Lord with them. I sometimes find it very contradicting that Abraham was asked to lay down something that was promised and even given by God, but at the same time I find myself feeling entitled to those things rather than seeing them as a blessing. Through this process of giving up everything to Lord, I find a greater peace of it being in the Lord’s control.
It’s been a very challenging last two weeks as I walk down this journey of finding a consistent me and rediscovering who I am in the Lord and who He has called me to be everyday of my life. It’s been a week full of building altars and allowing the Lord to reveal himself to me in greater ways.
