SEEKING SATISFACTION.

My heart is challenged and severely overwhelmed with emotion when I begin to ponder what these two words mean: Seeking Satisfaction

First I wonder and try to comprehend what they mean to others and more personally, what they mean to me.
 
One thing I’ve learned in this journey is that

Whether you realize it or not, you’re seeking something.
It can be good or it can be bad, but never neutral.

 
I can remember a time,
When I was little girl, a broken little girl.
Who had fallen in the traps of the lies of the enemy.
 
They taunted me in constant reminder,
“You’ll never be good enough.”
“You’re worth absolutely nothing.”
“If you only were prettier…”
“No one loves you.”
“You’ll never be free from hating yourself.”
“People don’t like you.”
“No man will ever want you.”
 
I was a little girl who had nothing to offer but
Insecure laughs to fake through the day and endless
Efforts of trying to fit in, but failing.
 
I was a little girl, who would cry herself to sleep every night
In deep agony over the pain I felt and the thought that this would be forever.
 
I was a little girl with no hope, no future, and certainly no identity.
 
I can look back and see the things I sought after.
 
I can see how the countless relationships and hook ups didn’t do it.
I can see how fitting in with the cool kids didn’t do it.
I can see how satisfying myself in inappropriate ways didn’t do it.
I can see how taking diet pills didn’t do it.
I can see how being a great volleyball player didn’t do it.
I can see how making all A’s didn’t do it.
I can see how wearing the newest brand name clothes didn’t do it.
I can see how the idea of marriage didn’t do it.
I can see how striving in my own strength didn’t do it.
I can see how people pleasing didn’t do it.
I can see how all these things that I sought after
DID NOT DO IT.

With everything ounce of effort to fill the deep wounds of my heart,
it was as long as a single moment that I felt what I thought was satisfaction for it to
almost immediately introduce be back into my mess again. The cycle was vicious.
 
As a direct result of this seeking,
 
I can see how my influence on others wasn’t positive.
I can see how my hypocritical lifestyle lead others there with me.
I can see how things could’ve been different for me and so many others, had my life been a result of seeking after God.
 
5 years later, I can sit here and tell you that there has only been one thing.
 
ONE THING.
 That I have sought after that finally did it.
 
5 years ago I found freedom from the bound up little girl I was.
 

 
I found a man that I had known for years, but
Never fully experienced who He was.
 
His name was JESUS!
 
Ever since this time, I have never been the same.
 
I can look back, as we speak, with tears in my eyes thinking about his goodness.
 
I can see how people have been healed.
I can see how people have been encouraged.
I can see how people have been challenged.
I can see how people have been set free.
I can see how people have been changed.
I can see how people have been given purpose.
I can see how people have been blessed.
 
I can see these things only for one reason.

Because I am choosing to seek the only one who can satisfy.

 
Whatever you choose, people are effected by it.
 
 This whole thought process began as I was reading in Luke chapter 24,
 
“But very early on Sunday morning the women went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. They found that the stone has been rolled away from the entrance. So they went in, but they didn’t find the body of the Lord Jesus. As they stood there puzzled, two men suddenly appeared to them clothed in dazzling robes. The women were terrified and bowed with their faces to the ground. Then the men asked, “Why are you looking among the dead for someone who is alive?””
 
As I read this passage, the Lord stopped me there and I instantly felt compassion swell up in my heart. I felt the Lord was giving me just a glimpse of His heart for His people and a message for this time.
 
“CHILDREN, CHILDREN,
WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AMONG THE DEAD FOR SOMEONE WHO IS ALIVE?!?
I’M EVERYTHING YOU NEED. QUIT LOOKING TO THE LEFT AND THE RIGHT AND FOCUS YOUR EYES ON ME, THE ONE AND ONLY ONE WHO CAN SATISFY.”
 
Many times we find ourselves seeking among the dead for someone who is alive.