If I could use any three words to describe my personal relationship with Jesus in Nepal it would be
“Head to Heart.”
The team I was with in Nepal was given the assignment of finding ministries to be apart of. We ended up finding incredible people to participate in ministry with, which radically changed my life – but more than that we had a lot of free time to focus on us. How vain right? Actually, quite the opposite.
I believe as Christians in general, we don’t take enough time to focus on our selves and own walk with the Lord for various reasons.
Sometimes it’s easier to not focus on our own issues, rather than staying busy by serving others in their problems.
Sometimes we are told it is prideful, so we refrain.
Sometimes we don’t see the value of our life as important as the value of other peoples life – and the list goes on.
Well this month was given to me, specifically to focus on where the Lord has me in this journey of life with Him. He forced me to sit down, be still, and allow Him to wreck my life over and over again through a heart revelation and not just a matter of the mind.
I will preface by saying that in Guatemala, the Lord told me that I knew Him as Savior, Deliverer, Healer, Redeemer, Lord, but I didn’t know Him as Father and that this would be year that I learn
who He is as Father.
I believe throughout the whole race I have obtained more of what’s it’s like to be a daughter of Christ before I am anything else and have continued to learn who my heavenly Father is. It’s been cool as I have become to know Him as Father how he has continued healing my relationship with my own father, who is more like Jesus than anyone I know.
I would say that since I was a little girl, I “knew” Jesus loved me. I knew it in my head. It wasn’t until 2009 that I actually felt it intensely for a few hours when I was in the Philippines. From then on, it’s been several different similar experiences that have kept me believing in His infinite love for me. I find though that when I don’t tangibly feel it, sometimes I doubt it. It then becomes a head matter, rather than a heart matter.
During soaking (hours of prophetic worship) one night, the Lord told me to go pray for a girl on the squad, that after this night became one of my very best friends and sister. I went to pray for her a little hesitantly because I didn’t know her all that well. But when I wrapped my arms around her to pray for her the Lord gave me an overwhelming, unique, love for her that I have NEVER felt in my whole entire life – within that love came words of encouragement and affirmation of what He was wanting to speak for her. I began to cry from within because of this deep, deep love and the eyes that He was giving me for His daughter in this moment. I barely knew this girl, but I had never felt such an intense love for someone from the Lord than I had in this moment. Right after I spoke to her everything I was feeling and hearing, the Lord gently muttered, “Everything you just felt and said for her is how I feel for you.”
It was in an instant my heart was opened, a love came in, and I couldn’t contain myself. I fell to the ground, dug my face into the pillow, and started crying harder than I had cried in several years. I laid there for several hours and the Lord was continuing to instill and seal His work and His love upon my heart. As I am laying there, I felt my friend’s hand on my back and I heard her crying. It was such a special and crazy intense encounter we had with the Lord together. That night I didn’t tell her why I was crying. I didn’t tell her that my tears for her quickly turned into tears from being overwhelmed myself by the goodness of God through the words He spoke over her and meant for me. I didn’t tell her what the Lord told me. I told her nothing.
Then a little less than a week later, we were sitting through team time. She began to tell her story about her experience that night. I got a phone call, so I had to leave, but she continued to tell her team her side of the story. A few days after that, I was sitting with some of her team mates and I started my story,
“So I haven’t told Jordyn this, but that night at soaking….”
And I proceeded with the rest of the night.
The group of girls start to laugh and begin to just stare at me in awe. I ask them what is the matter or so funny? And they tell me that I should tell Jordyn because at team time she continued talking and said the exact same thing,
“I haven’t told Natalie this, but that night at soaking. I was overwhelmed with a love for her, from God – I saw her so pure and so innocent and so loved and felt it like I had never before. Then the Lord told me, “Jordyn, everything you just felt and saw about her, I feel the same about you.” Then I lost it and couldn’t quit crying.”
So of course, we had to have the conversation. We talked about and were just amazed at how the Lord works.
As Christians it’s easy to know that God loves others. It’s easy to believe for the healing of others. It’s easy to think that God has big plans for others, but it’s so hard sometimes to feel that, think that, and believe that for ourselves at times. BUT HOW COOL – that God knows we are like that so He gave each of us His heart, His eyes, His love, His perspective on someone else and then turned it around to be the same for us, in a way that we can tangibly feel and connect with. Jokes on us.
It was this night that a passage way opened up from my mind to my heart and love filtered through to bring about a new assurance, a refreshing, and an unending love so strong that I have never felt before from Him as a Father.
If you can, just imagine that one thing, that one person that you love the most or can tangibly feel the most love for – and then take that love – purify and increase it infitinity times and turn around and pour that same love upon yourself from the Lord.
If you can, just imagine that person that you look at and think is so pure, so innocent, so beautiful, so caring, so loving, so everything – and take that, turn it around, times it by infinity, and pour it upon yourself to know that’s the way the Father himself sees you.
One time someone told me a story that one of their friends told them, “You know God loves you more than you ever thought about loving your neice.” When she said that – she was unknowingly speaking to my own heart. I have a niece in which my love in ENDLESS and EXTRAVAGANT and can’t be taken away. In that moment I was able to relate. I started crying that the love of the Father – towards me and all of His children – is and can even be greater than that. I can’t phathom it, but I have now experienced it.
It’s real.
It’s true.
It’s raw.
It’s a love that changes.
A love that never fails.
This is definitely a night I will never forget.
Don’t settle for just a thought in your head, when your heart is longing for something greater – truth to be written and sealed.
