My feet have officially met the soil of our first country, Guatemala, and couldn't be any more thrilled to do so. Gorgeous weather greeted us as we walked off the plane and into one of the most beautiful countries. Smiling faces beamed us from every direction and a hope appeared to be found in the depths of the eyes of many. I was immediately engulfed into a scene of honking horns, fast-paced walkers, little girls playing wooden instruments begging for attention, and world racers stoked about what's ahead as we begin this journey.
After arriving at Agape in Action, our place of lodging for the month, the whole squad set up our tents outside the building in a roped off yard area designated just for us. Believe it or not, I was excited about this. I was ready to fully submerge myself into the "roughing" it lifestyle I heard and was warned was ahead. Why not start month one? However, we do have hot showers, which for that I feel so blessed.
Here in Guatemala our whole Squad is together, but for ministry we are partnered with one other team from our squad. My team along with a co-team leader, Mike, and his team are honored and blessed to be serving Agape in Action, along with the hospital next door doing whatever it is that they need us to.
This hospital is a national hospital and is the designated hospital for approximately 1 million people in the event something happens. However, the hospital only has around 120 hospital beds. It also blew me away that the ambulances are nothing more than a free ride to the hospital. They have no medical background, history, or even equipment.
So far we have gotten to wash both inside and outside windows with buckets of soapy water, brooms, and a water hose. We have also used scratch pieces of sand paper to sand certain things to prep for painting. I believe we will be doing lots of cleaning and remodeling, which includes painting, during this month for the hospital. We will also be given the chance to love the many, many, people that surround the hospital and also visiting some of the patients.
Later during the month, I believe we will be working more with Agape in Action improving their compound for the racers that will be launching in September!! I love this. How cool to be able to serve those that are following not far behind us in this same pursuit, same journey.
With all this exciting news, I still haven't felt or experienced an "ah-hah moment" that I thought I would have. It hasn't hit me. It's not real yet and it's weird.
If I'm completely honest, I haven't felt much different at all. I didn't walk off the plane and break to tears for compassion for the people. I didn't breathe in a fresh breath of Guatemala and feel overwhelmed with the presence of God. None of these things happened.
If you know me at all, this isn't very normal. I'm easily moved and easily compelled with great emotion. For the last three nights we have had debrief sessions with our whole squad, squad mentors, squad parents, and squad leaders. We have been talking about secrets that have never been exposed in our own lives or secrets that still have power over us.
People were asked to share these secrets if they felt lead to tell. Needless to say, a lot of things were brought up and confessed to the group. I can honestly say I have never seen vulnerability at the depths of which was among our midst. Within these three days of exposing secrets and lies, shame lost it's grip and truth partnered with the power of prayer to set captives free. It was such a beautiful thing.
The whole time as people shared their heart wrenching, hard to believe stories, I couldn't figure out why tears weren't streaming from my face. Many times, one tear drop crept out and down my cheek, but not much at all. I then began to compare myself to the experience others were having.
In this comparison, I was hit with the truth of God – Faith is not a feeling, yet it's knowing He is faithful to be with me always, even when I may doubt it. The last three days that we have been here, I've been forced to have faith where feelings once lead me. It's not easy, but it's needed.
I have continually been pursuing the Lord on this subject and I can't help to notice that He is leading me to a place where my trust is without borders. A place that I can no longer live from my own strength or my own feelings. He is calling me deeper and He has taken my hand and said, "Child, follow me. It may be a depth you've never experienced before. It may require deeper vulnerability, but it's for your best. Just trust me. Let go."
At launch I heard a quote that revolutionized my thinking and is exactly who I want to be in ministry. It states, "I don't want to do ministry for the approval of God, but I want to do ministry from the approval of God." The most effective ministry comes from seeking Him and His presence, which in return naturally pours out the face and being of God to others through you. I can't wait to daily follow the tugging of my heart to where He is taking me. I believe it's a new thing. A new level. A new depth. A new perspective. A new season.
When the water looks too deep, God says take a step.
When the intimacy looks far enough, God says let's go a step further.
When the storm outside is raging, God says press on until it passes.
When the feelings aren't there, God says faith will get you through.
