Two very ironic words when put together.
Words that contradict the very essence of the one written out beside it.
So harsh and potentially vulgar, yet truth is buried in the depths of such an analogy the Lord has been speaking to me about.
Here, I am a “good girl” traveling the world to tell others about the Good News for almost a whole year, to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, teach the uneducated, loved the abandoned, and so much more than that – and in the same aspect that I have discovered this side of me, I have discovered sometimes my actions would portray me to be a Christian prostitute.
You may wonder how this is possible? First of all, you can’t go anywhere without another racer – so how does this work? Second of all, wouldn’t you get sent home for something so extreme?
Well, to answer those questions would be of zero importance because it’s never about the outward action as it about your heart and the motivations of your heart.
I seek deeply down to the core of who I am and find that counterfeit affections fill so many places in my heart….still. Let me explain.
On the nights, I feel alone or days I’m struggling to muster strength to continue on,
I run to my first client named Self-Doubt, and entertain him for a quick minute until my pity-party is going well and my quick fix of a fit has come.
As soon as the high from intimacy with Doubt wears off, Fear is right around the corner waiting for me to jump on his motorcycle so we can take off wherever he leads. Fear is someone I have encountered several times throughout my carrier, and is a safe place for me to have a good time of pleasure and then move on with the evening of seeking other avenues of gain.
When Fear drops me off where I was, I then acknowledge Strength – of my own. We run our course together, until breath runs out and there’s no other option than to surrender our time together.
After Strength, I decide that I will run to Condemnation, who has been a frequent client of mine for years and something that seems to pay off well for a minute, until I quickly realize it was a fantasy and never true love.
When Condemnation leaves me never feeling good enough, I immediately try to build upon my trophy case and entertain Works for a while. Works and I get along pretty well. He keeps me busy and gives me a steady job for quite some time, which is appealing to the flesh.
Once Works, brings me down the long, exhausting, wrong road I decide to lay myself at the affection and acceptance of other human beings, to which can include family and close friends.
At this point my heart has had enough of being torn from one source of gratification to the other, I run to my next client, God – but in running to God, I come differently. This time with a heart that has voids filled with previous clients.
Intimacy with the only One who can truly satisfy seems to be lacking due to a lack of continual pursuit of competing lovers.
I get in the bed hesitantly, trying to cuddle, yet ashamed of the past hours of pursuing other means of gratification.
I try to lean in for a kiss, but it seems it would be just another kiss full of my sin.
I try for greater intimacy and can’t help but to think of how I’ve cheated on Him as numerous faces run through my head, taking away from the moment of being with Him.
But then as the night grows longer, walls break down and truth is revealed.
It’s in that same bed that the Lord takes my heart, opens His arms and welcomes me in as His pure, blameless, spotless bride He knows me to be.
It’s in that bed that His arms fight through the resistance to make sure He holds me in a way that’s safe and gentle.
It’s in that bed, that voids are filled by His unconditional love, peace, hope, and freedom that it brings.
It’s in that bed, that my heart is truly His.
It’s in that bed that His vibrant words of truth spoken over me defeat and destroy the lies that have been in my head for far too long.
It’s in that bed that I draw near to Him, and Him to me.
It’s in that bed, that I am my Beloveds and He is mine.
It’s in that bed, that I realize I am called to be a faithful wife to a faithful husband – rather than a prostitute, making God just another client, when I am desperate, hurting, and longing for attention I can’t seem to find in other idols at the moment.
I am not sure where you are at today…
Maybe seduced by several lovers other than your One true love, but I want you to know that you don’t have to prostitute yourself out anymore, living life in a vicious cycle of running to countless other things – whatever it may be for you – that only bring temporary satisfaction until you hit a brick wall of frustration and hopelessness.
The Lord is inviting you, as He has me, into His bed, the greatest place of intimacy with Him, where all else is set aside and it’s about your love life with Him and Him alone. He is longing for you to answer the call to be his faithful wife as He longs to be your faithful husband.
Here’s to a naturally single girl living the spiritually married life with the Lord Jesus Christ, the Love of my life.
Jesus,
I want to feel your embrace so close to me that circumstances can’t deny your presence. Help me be a faithful wife rather than someone who comes to you when desperatie matters call for something greater than what I’m filling my love tank with. May my devotion and dedication to you far outweigh the insecurities that entangle me and urge me to pursue other counterfeit affections. I am guilty of wanting to lay next to you, expecting intimacy after other avenues haven’t given me a lasting effect of the love, peace, hope, and freedom that you alone can offer. But Lord, you’re a husband- a faithful, none waivering, committed, loyal, respectable, trustworthy, husband. Not a man that can be played or mocked. Help me be that very same thing back to you. May I be your faithful bride, you have made me to be.
Amen.
