My last week in Thailand, the Lord told me to give up every ounce of social media and communication besides what’s necessary for given leadership responsibilities for the month of Cambodia. This meant no Facebooking, Facetiming, iMessaging family, friends, or other squadmates. This means no scrolling through instagram or replying with crazy pictures to snap chats.
The night the Lord told me that – I cried. Not just one tear, but for a good solid 30 minutes. I knew this would be a challenge. I have fasted from Facebook and other social media things before, but never across the world, away from family, during one of the most family oriented holidays of the year.
However, He did tell me I could Facetime my family on Christmas Day!!
Everything in me wanted to fight it – I wanted to find every reason to justify why this wouldn’t be a good idea, but time and time again the Lord has proven to me that the glory that awaits the “suffering” is far greater and always worth it.
Therefore, Challenge accepted.
We get to our contact and ministry site for the month and find out that we live on a dirt road, accompanied by lots of oxen and chickens and have Internet only once a week after a 2 hour tuk tuk ride to the nearest wifi spot – or in World Race terms – we have a bush month, meaning out of the eyes of civilization. The only other bush month I have had was in the Philippines and that would be the month I would say I experienced the most visual growth thus far on the race.
I was blessed to have the Lord to prepare my heart in advance for not having internet once again and felt loved by the fact internet wasn’t going to even be an option most of the time, which would make my fast at least a little bit more easier – not that that’s the goal.
However, every Saturday the team I am with this month travels two hours to obtain internet. During this time while others are talking with loved ones, catching up with other teams from the squad, checking Facebook for the latest and greatest news in their friend’s lives, I am answering e-mails, maybe posting a blog, and my Internet usage stops there.
I would be lying if I said I haven’t broken down every Saturday. I have cried missing home. I have cried wondering how my niece is doing when I’m not a phone call away. I have cried that I can’t wish my best friend, Jasmine Martin, a very happy birthday on the exact day she was born. I have cried not getting updates on up coming events that I know have come and gone in the lives of my family members. I have cried having nothing to do when others can’t find enough time to get things done. I have cried not being able to talk to my other best friend, Haleigh Moore. I have cried when others tell me they are about to Facetime other squad mates, whom I am very close with. I have cried shopping for Christmas gifts for those I love most knowing I won’t be there to place them in their hands. I’ve cried watching the Grinch reminiscing all the Christmas’ it was in the company of those who I’ve known the longest. I have cried doing drug rehab ministry and not being able to share with my Dad how it went and how it reminds me so much of Him.
When looking at all of the reasons I’ve struggled with this fast, I have realized that I have cried of being stripped of everything and everywhere I run to and find comfort in besides Him.
It’s in those times of crying, that I have had the sweetest times of intimacy with the Lord as I have pulled out my Bible and allowed Him to sing His truth over me. I have allowed Him to comfort me. I have allowed Him to love me deeply. I have realized the fruit of running to Him FIRST in all things and through all things. I have found the greatest comfort that only comes from Him, in my times of being the most uncomfortable.
I am to no degree saying that family, friends, and means of communication aren’t important or good things at all. However, when anything becomes an idol before the one and true God in your life those good things turn into things that hold us back from experiencing God in the ways He desires for us to.
When I find comfort in other things and other people, it robs me from fully experiencing full comfort in Him.
As hard as this month has been, I am so blessed by the fruit I am already seeing come from my obedience to surrender all that I have this month. I am not only doing it for this month, but this has taught me a lesson that will hopefully last a lifetime and develop into a lifestyle of mine.
No, it’s not easy not talking to family.
No, it’s not easy being away for the holidays.
No, it’s not easy with no communication to anyone other than the 6 girls your with.
But through it all, it’s the most rewarding thing to experience real, genuine, comfort when things aren’t easy. It’s rewarding to invest where you are. It’s rewarding to stay intentional with your time with God and with others He has placed around you during that season.
I’m so thankful for a God that challenges me the way He does, even when it brings me to tears. I’m thankful that He ultimately knows best and He is faithful to lead me on this journey of discovering more of Him and less of me.
This is the first time I have ever been away from home for Christmas and as much as I wish I was living out my family Christmas traditions, I’m truly blessed to be experiencing to a greater degree the fact that Christmas is not about me. It’s not about who I am with, what I get, or how many parties I can attend and the great food I can eat. It’s about the greatest gift that was ever given so many years ago.
Something better than I could’ve ever deserved or even obtained.
With that being said, I hope and pray that this Christmas is full of Christ for each of you and your families, wherever you are and whoever you are with because I have come to know that the gift of God is the same to me whether I am in Lubbock, TX or Takeo, Cambodia and ultimately He is the reason for the season.
